gender roles in our modern times

[infinite_trial]

i am recently stuck with this thought on mah mind. it so happened that ms. latina brought up this topic in the debate thread. medyo broad yung topic lalo na sa filipino culture kaya i chose not to include a poll in this thread. medyo magiging biased kasi yung opinion natin. i just want to hear thoughts from both sides - male and female.

general question:
in the filipino family setup, do you still believe that the guy should be the main provider? please proceed first to the specific questions (for guys and girls) before defending your side.


questions for the guys:

- does ego get in the way knowing that your wife earns more than you do?

- if your wife is already an established career person before you met her, considering you can afford to shoulder the expenses for the both of you and your future family, would you rather have her at home to do the chores and take care of the kids or let her work as well?

questions for the girls:

- if you earn more than your husband does, do you feel guilty when he shows a hint of insecurity? do you let him be the 'man' in all aspects (like decision-making)?

- would you stop working (if you've been working before you met him) if he told you so?

followup questions:

- if you answered no in the general question, do you also believe in equal division of chores in the house? (like girls should also do manly chores and guys should also do 'girly' chores)

- what are the advantages and disadvantages of having equal roles for both genders?

p.s. pasensya na kung medyo magulo hehe

[nasalaag]

hmmm unang sagot hehe...

I've always considered myself to be quite a feminist but not in a way that I think women are better than men in all aspects (which, of course, is not at all true). Naniniwala lang ako na women can be equal or better than men in several aspects, and men are also better than women in other aspects.

general question:
no, I don't think the guy should still be the main provider (financially). both the husband and wife should exert equal effort in supporting the family not just financially, but emotionally and morally as well.

question for the girls:
- in the first place, I wouldn't want to marry a guy (well, since di pa naman married so pwede pa makapili :p) who would get insecure with trivial matters such as having to "be the man" in everything. he has to understand gender equality na rin, that it doesn't matter kung sino ang mas malaki ang kita, money is money. kailangan yun para sa survival. besides, hindi naman sweldo ang gauge ng kakayahan ng isang tao. I wouldn't feel guilty if I end up earning more than him, pero susuportahan ko lang siya morally if he wants to strive harder.
- if wala pang anak, I wouldn't stop working at all. I'll just end up bored na walang magawa. If may anak na, I wouldn't mind not being employed anymore, but I might still get a part-time job or be self-employed.

followup questions:
- yes I believe in equal division of labor. malay, ang magiging husband ko mas magaling pa magluto kaysa sa akin :D and I might be better at fixing a leaky faucet or assembling a cabinet better than him (malabo pero malay natin magkatotoo). hindi naman yun gender-basd eh, kung sino ang may skill, siya ang gumawa.

- I can't think of any advantage/disadvantage pa with regards to equal roles. Pwede follow-up na lang mamaya sis IT? :D

p.s. magulo rin yata ang sagot ko hehehe...

[infinite_trial]

^ haha sure. maya na lang ako mageexplain kung bakit ganyan ang mga tanong ko pag meron ng sumagot na guy :D

mukhang pinagiisipan nilang mabuti ang sagot.

[g33k]

lalabas na mga gabriela dito hahahaa :D

masyado yatang piling pili ang mga tanong? :D

[kakkoii_daw]

general question:
yes, since filipino family is generally patriarchal, but things are changing, due to globalization, sometimes, this doesnt follow, mas marami ng pinay ang nangingibang bansa para buhayin ang kanilang pamilya.

questions for the guys:
yes, but it hurts more, if you're totally not earning. :D

followup questions:
yes, you can talk these things prior to your marriage, but there are still chores that can only be done much better by a man as well as women specific chores.

[KikoyBalayon]

switching to "popcorn" mode.. mukhang interesting to..

[g33k]

Paunang sabi: for the sake of healthy conversation lang po ;)

hehehe baka kuyugin ako ng both party :D

general question:
in the filipino family setup, do you still believe that the guy should be the main provider?

No. sa hirap ng buhay, di na ito very visible. sometimes, yung husband pa ang nag-eencourage sa babae na magwork :D

questions for the guys:
does ego get in the way knowing that your wife earns more than you do?

yes. It hurts but its true.

yung ego thing na yan lumalabas minsan kapag hindi firm or nagkakaroon na ng lamat yung relationship sa loob ng bahay to the point na nag-sasagutan na sila sa financial disbursement/expenses.

if your wife is already an established career person before you met her, considering you can afford to shoulder the expenses for the both of you and your future family, would you rather have her at home to do the chores and take care of the kids or let her work as well?

yes. considering na kaya ko naman palang i-afford yung expenses, pwede ko na syang pagpahingain sa work at doon na lang sya sa bahay or magmanange ng negosyo :D. it doesnt necessarily mean that when you let your wife stay at home, suggests that you're dictating her to do the chores and take good care of the kids. Kung ganun yung thinking, eh di ang hinahanap ko pala is katulong/yaya?


followup questions:
if you answered no in the general question, do you also believe in equal division of chores in the house? (like girls should also do manly chores and guys should also do 'girly' chores)

yes. pinag-uusapan yan ng mag-asawa right?

what are the advantages and disadvantages of having equal roles for both genders?

hidden competition :D na somewhat very productive (but not in all areas)

[aki^-^]

[quote=infinite_trial ;338167]i am recently stuck with this thought on mah mind. it so happened that ms. latina brought up this topic in the debate thread. medyo broad yung topic lalo na sa filipino culture kaya i chose not to include a poll in this thread. medyo magiging biased kasi yung opinion natin. i just want to hear thoughts from both sides - male and female.

general question:
in the filipino family setup, do you still believe that the guy should be the main provider? please proceed first to the specific questions (for guys and girls) before defending your side.
No

questions for the girls:


- if you earn more than your husband does, do you feel guilty when he shows a hint of insecurity?
No why should i feel guilty... nakikinabang naman sya sa kikitain ko eh... sa pag uusap yan.

do you let him be the 'man' in all aspects (like decision-making)?
- No, dapat kaming dalawa ang magdedecide.
-
would you stop working (if you've been working before you met him) if he told you so?
No.. I love my job...dapat suportahan nya ako!

followup questions:

- if you answered no in the general question, do you also believe in equal division of chores in the house?
- my husband and I share the household works. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm the housewife and I'll do all the chores. Good thing my husband is sensitive enough to know his responsibilities at home. . Both parties should communicate and be sensitive to each other's needs. When my husband sees me cooking, he will be the one to prepare the table for the meal and even do the dishes. Give and take is the best description.

[a_kiss]

general question:
in the filipino family setup, do you still believe that the guy should be the main provider?

Yes.......kung kaya naman why not ?



if your wife is already an established career person before you met her, considering you can afford to shoulder the expenses for the both of you and your future family, would you rather have her at home to do the chores and take care of the kids or let her work as well?

Pag wala pa kaming anak sige papayagan ko syang magtrabaho hanggang gusto nya.
pero syempre pag may anak na sa bahay na lang sya .papaano pa matatawag sa isang pamilya kung wala sya at di naaalagaan ang mga anak namin ? sya ang Ilaw at ako ang haligi :D sagot ko NO


followup questions:
if you answered no in the general question, do you also believe in equal division of chores in the house? (like girls should also do manly chores and guys should also do 'girly' chores)

Kahit yes sagot ko .i still believe in equal division of house chores..hindi ko naman sya papakasal para mag silbi lang ng magsilbi ..ewan ko lang yun ibang lalaki kasi ako alam ko naman lahat ng gawain bahay at hindi ko naging ugali iasa sa iba yun kaya ko naman gawin :)

syempre kailangan alam din ng Mrs ko yun ibang manly chores sa bahay .tulad ng pag tutubero .para pag nasira gripo at nasa trabaho ako .magagawa nya :D.pag sumabog yun fuse kaya din nya kumpunihin .

ang gulo ko yata :confused:

[aj_4983]

- if you earn more than your husband does, do you feel guilty when he shows a hint of insecurity?
If I'm working and his acting in this way...I'll asked my self...
Why should I? In the first place it's not my fault if I earned more money than him:D .(wishing)If his showing an insecurity, I'll talk to him...

- do you let him be the 'man' in all aspects (like decision-making)?
no...man and woman in all aspects...we both must decide.

- would you stop working (if you've been working before you met him) if he told you so?
I will...but he must "pay" me for not working:) ...

followup questions:
- do you also believe in equal division of chores in the house? (like girls should also do manly chores and guys should also do 'girly' chores)
I don't.

- what are the advantages and disadvantages of having equal roles for both genders?
advantage
if his like me na "plantsado" when doing household chores...big help
disadvantage
but if not..."no thanks" kc istorbo lang siya:D

[louvette_15]

General Question:

In the Filipino set-up, i still want to believe that the guy should be the main provider. But, reality shows that it's not what it used to be in most cases. Im not unhappy about it though, since one of the wife's obligations is to support her husband. when a wife is working, i believe that it falls to this especially if the man's earning is not that enough. The family is not just the man's responsibility, but also of the wife's.

Questions for girls:

I don't feel guilty because I earn what I earn. Besides, there's no need for insecurity between us because whatever i have is his and vice versa. In most tolerable situation, he can do the decision-making given that i know what he plans to do. but in serious cases where his idea is unlike or against mine, then we have to talk about it and compromise. Believing that the man should be the main provider doesn't mean that i have to always follow what he says. I still should be heard and considered.

If there's a good enough reason to stop working like taking care of the kids and he can do without me earning, then it will be okay for me to stop. I mean, if it's more practical for all of us. But knowing me, I guess a small home-based business will not do any harm.

Do you believe in equal division of chores in the house?

Yes, I believe in that given that my man knows what he's doing and vice versa. How would I ask or expect him to cook if he doesn't know how?

One disadvantage of having equal division of chores is when both of us expect that the other has accomplished what both knew both can handle alone, then later find out that neither has accomplished it. Example: i expected that he would do the marketing for today after his work, so i didnt market. he came home without anything because he was also thinking that i might have done it already..

[greatbarrier]

- in the filipino family setup, do you still believe that the guy should be the main provider? please proceed first to the specific questions (for guys and girls) before defending your side.

No. Providing for the family is the responsibility of both the husband and the wife. Marriage is a mutual thing, so dapat, in all aspects magkatulong kayo.

- if you earn more than your husband does, do you feel guilty when he shows a hint of insecurity?

I wouldn’t feel guilty I guess coz it’s not my fault if I’m earning more than he does, especially if it has always been the case even before we got married, meaning, the issue has already been settled. What I can only do is not to let him feel that way. But then, I don’t think I would marry a guy who is a chauvinist. Coz I believe those guys are selfish, don’t respect a woman’s individualism, and are not capable of loving their partners. To begin with, the foundation of marriage should be the love and respect for each other. So money should not be an issue in all circumstances. If at all inevitable, the couple should always put their love and respect for each other on top. Needless to say, they shouldn’t come to a point where the husband (and the wife as well) would feel insecure.

do you let him be the 'man' in all aspects (like decision-making)?

No, I don’t want him to be always the man in all aspects, especially on matters of decision-making. Both our lives are involved in it, so it should always be a mutual thing, para walang sisihan.

- would you stop working (if you've been working before you met him) if he told you so?

I guess the only case where I would consider this option is if my husband is pretty rich and we have kids. I would prefer our kids to grow up bonded with me and their dad. If we don’t have kids yet, I would still prefer myself being involved into something productive... perhaps with my own coffee shop. :) And if he really loves me, he should allow me to do that for my own self-fulfillment.

Otherwise, I would insist that he lets me work. As I’ve answered above, providing for the family is not only a man’s job. Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, if both the husband and the wife are capable to earn, they should take advantage of that...Prepare for your kid’s future and your retirement. Life is full of uncertainties... so better be prepared for it than be sorry.

- if you answered no in the general question, do you also believe in equal division of chores in the house? (like girls should also do manly chores and guys should also do 'girly' chores)

Yes. As I’ve said earlier, marriage is a mutual thing. So it shouldn’t be a question of whether it is a guy or a girl chore, but whoever is capable and available to do it. Women can do traditional guy chores like painting, plumbing, changing light bulbs, or assembling furniture (I’ve done all these things ;) ) as much as guys can do women’s chores like cooking, laundry, babysitting, etc.)

- what are the advantages and disadvantages of having equal roles for both genders?

Advantage – I guess it’s beneficial to the family. In terms of household chores, neither would be too exhausted.

If both are working, you can earn more not just to provide for the family’s basic needs, but also for some leisures like going on a family vacation trip. wouldn't that be nice! :)

[alamagawa]

diba kasali dito gays ang lesbians?:p