FOR MEN...and women who aren't totally clueless about men

[amy_neri]

Gandang umaga!

This is an attempt to understand men.

Here's the situation. You have a special someone. You know that you truly love that someone. You could either be engaged, married or just simply in a relationship. Then another pretty or beautiful woman enters your life. You don't love her but you are attracted to her. Perhaps you have a crush on her. Here's the thing. The environment you and the other woman are both in is conducive to flirtation simply because your signifcant other isn't around. Would you flirt with her? Another question. Is flirting an involuntary act? Another one. When you decide NOT to flirt, is it such a big sacrifice? How easy/difficult is it to not flirt? Do you guys think flirting with another woman is wrong if you already have a special someone (or let's say you're already committed)? Is flirting normal for guys? Like when you do that, it doesn't mean you love your significant other less?

Now about me. I love my man. Sometimes I see other guys who are attractive and there are quite a few who've shown interest. But it's very easy for me to shrug them off and it doesn't take a lot of effort/energy to do that. And I think it's mainly because I really love my man. For me, it's as simple as frying an egg. What I can't comprehend is the thought that my man is giving a part of his attention to an inappropriate someone else while he keeps on saying that he really loves me. More often than not, I feel that he does love me. But does he really love me when he can do such a thing?

Wow, I needed to get that off my chest! I just really need to ask these questions because I want to understand my man. Thanks to all those who will participate in this discussion.

[dcat]

amy_neri-san, I feel you. This is difficult stuff. But I guess it's not right to generalize men, or anybody for that matter.

Some men think it's ok to flirt if their partner wouldn't know anyway. Some men don't have any guilty conscience about flirting at all. Some men flirts because they're being seduced. Some men flirt because they're unhappy about their present relationship and want to try someone new. Some men don't flirt at all. In which category does your man fall, I have no idea.

If a man is being seduced to flirting by another girl and he successfully fended off the temptation, I think his girl must give him credit for it. Although it's the right thing to do, it's really difficult to turn down a free offer - especially if he thinks it'll just be temporary (one night stand). But I wouldn't call it a sacrifice, maybe sacrifice is not the right word, maybe the phrase unselfish act is better. Anyway, a little bit of encouragement wouldn't hurt.

In the end you are the only one who could feel and know if he's flirting or not. His history and behaviors will tell you about his tendencies. Some men are really very friendly to women, so, we wouldn't know for sure. But I guess you could tell if he's doing something inappropriate. For example, if he changed his routine with you, if he often hide something from you, if he doesn't try to introduce you to his circle of friends. If you think there's something wrong, talk to him nicely and tell him about your concerns. I think if you tell him honestly he'll try to avoid the other girl for you if he really loves you. But of course, you have to be sure how he interacts with this girl. Does he really spend a lot of time with this girl? How does he flirt? Get your facts clear first.

Anyway, this is a tricky topic, not all men are the same, so be careful not to classify your man only with the comments here. You have to think and feel these things yourself. If after thinking things out considerably and you're still in doubt, always trust your heart not your brain. ;)

[amy_neri]

dcat, thanks for replying. your response is a good start for my enlightenment. :)

amy_neri-san, I feel you. This is difficult stuff. But I guess it's not right to generalize men, or anybody for that matter.

Yes. But as much as I don't want to generalize, a lot of men (my significant other and brother included) keep on telling me that men are basically flirtatious and polygamous. I just feel that if most men will continue to reason like this in order to justify their inappropriate actions, it would really be hard for women to give them their trust. But I totally agree that not all men are the same. The same thing goes for women.

Some men think it's ok to flirt if their partner wouldn't know anyway. Some men don't have any guilty conscience about flirting at all. Some men flirts because they're being seduced. Some men flirt because they're unhappy about their present relationship and want to try someone new. Some men don't flirt at all. In which category does your man fall, I have no idea.

This is good stuff. I guess it would be good for my man and I to assess our relationship.

If a man is being seduced to flirting by another girl and he successfully fended off the temptation, I think his girl must give him credit for it. Although it's the right thing to do, it's really difficult to turn down a free offer - especially if he thinks it'll just be temporary (one night stand). But I wouldn't call it a sacrifice, maybe sacrifice is not the right word, maybe the phrase unselfish act is better. Anyway, a little bit of encouragement wouldn't hurt.

In the end you are the only one who could feel and know if he's flirting or not. His history and behaviors will tell you about his tendencies. Some men are really very friendly to women, so, we wouldn't know for sure. But I guess you could tell if he's doing something inappropriate. For example, if he changed his routine with you, if he often hide something from you, if he doesn't try to introduce you to his circle of friends. If you think there's something wrong, talk to him nicely and tell him about your concerns. I think if you tell him honestly he'll try to avoid the other girl for you if he really loves you. But of course, you have to be sure how he interacts with this girl. Does he really spend a lot of time with this girl? How does he flirt? Get your facts clear first.

I am listening.

Anyway, this is a tricky topic, not all men are the same, so be careful not to classify your man only with the comments here. You have to think and feel these things yourself. If after thinking things out considerably and you're still in doubt, always trust your heart not your brain. ;)

Thanks dcat. It is my main concern to make this relationship work. I don't want to have a serious talk with my man yet without understanding men's psyche even just a little bit. Otherwise, I might just end up being biased and considering only my own feelings regarding the matter. Arigatou gozaimashita!

[docomo]

.. the way i see it , flirting can be considered a subtle form of infidelity. there's flirting and then there's flirting. it's like sneaking into the kitchen to help yourself to a cookie or taking the whole cookie jar. doesn't matter if it's casual flirting at the workplace or flirting with the intention of getting to sleep with the intended female.

.. males do it (so it's voluntary . the only thing i consider involuntary is when your muscle twiches :) for a variety of reasons ;to test their prowess and charm,friendly-flirting probably (is there such a thing?) or worse, with more sinister intentions in mind. females do it to i guess, the female population has probably the same percentage as that of their male counterparts so it's a tit-for-tat thing.

.. from my point of view , it's probably good that one can flirt (wether one does it occasionally or as a lifestyle) and get away with it. but, the thing is...what goes around comes around .it's not a pretty sight to be on the receiving end of something you started ..

just my 2cents:)

[ladygems1216]

.. the way i see it , flirting can be considered a subtle form of infidelity. there's flirting and then there's flirting. it's like sneaking into the kitchen to help yourself to a cookie or taking the whole cookie jar. doesn't matter if it's casual flirting at the workplace or flirting with the intention of getting to sleep with the intended female.

.. males do it (so it's voluntary . the only thing i consider involuntary is when your muscle twiches :) for a variety of reasons ;to test their prowess and charm,friendly-flirting probably (is there such a thing?) or worse, with more sinister intentions in mind. females do it to i guess, the female population has probably the same percentage as that of their male counterparts so it's a tit-for-tat thing.

.. from my point of view , it's probably good that one can flirt (wether one does it occasionally or as a lifestyle) and get away with it. but, the thing is...what goes around comes around .it's not a pretty sight to be on the receiving end of something you started ..

just my 2cents:)

VERY well said!

[amy_neri]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Got to talk with my loved one. He said if it bothers me that much, he'll try to not do what I think is flirting. Honestly, he wasn't exactly aware that he was flirting. But anyway, we talked and came to an agreement. :) Now everybody's happy.

[Dax]

Here's the situation. You have a special someone. You know that you truly love that someone. You could either be engaged, married or just simply in a relationship. Then another pretty or beautiful woman enters your life. You don't love her but you are attracted to her. Perhaps you have a crush on her. Here's the thing. The environment you and the other woman are both in is conducive to flirtation simply because your signifcant other isn't around.
Hi amy_neri,

I'll try to answer all your questions from my point-of-view.

1. Would you flirt with her?
First of all, I wouldn't allow another woman to enter my life (underlined above) considering I already have a special someone. So my answer would be "No".

2. Is flirting an involuntary act?
I don't think so. Both men or women have perfect control over their actions.

3. When you decide NOT to flirt, is it such a big sacrifice?
I don't know, but I can guess why some "taken" men flirt: akala nila pogi sila. But they only look stupid. I guess it's a sort of sacrifice for them. :p

4. How easy/difficult is it to not flirt?
It's easy. Very.

5. Do you guys think flirting with another woman is wrong if you already have a special someone (or let's say you're already committed)?
Needless to say, yes, I think it is wrong, both against his special someone and the one he is flirting with, specially if the latter isn't aware that he is already taken.

6. Is flirting normal for guys?
For some guys it could be, for many it isn't. These "some" guys are for me, just a bunch of "feeling pogi" jerks. Real pogi men only love one woman. :cool:

7. Like when you do that, it doesn't mean you love your significant other less?
If you ask them I guess they will say they love their significant other + a ton of lame excuses.

I am only speaking for myself based on my observation of my fellow males.

[mamimo]

6. Is flirting normal for guys?
For some guys it could be, for many it isn't. These "some" guys are for me, just a bunch of "feeling pogi" jerks. Real pogi men only love one woman. :cool:



We have same impression on those "feeling pogi", meron nga kahit kasama gf/wife nila walang hesitation na tumitig sa ibang babae, very insensitive talaga.......tsk tsk:mad: Flirting might starts as a game but what if youre betrayed by your own quest & find yourself in a troublesome situation?

[hayaren]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Got to talk with my loved one. He said if it bothers me that much, he'll try to not do what I think is flirting. Honestly, he wasn't exactly aware that he was flirting. But anyway, we talked and came to an agreement. :) Now everybody's happy.

amy_neri, I highlighted the line that focused my reply to your thread....does that mean you were the one on the lookout, giving malicious emphasis sa mga ginagawa niya?

[love0308]

The conclusion is very simple. If you love somebody why flirt somebody right? Kahit na nobodys around if you love a person you will not go into that what you called flirt thing. We must be honest at all times.

[cosmicbblgum]

Would you flirt with her?
No. I'm a lousy flirt. It just ain't my cup of tea. Its either I tell the girl what I exactly feel or think or I just shut up. I sometimes do eye-flirting, very seldom though. :D

Another question. Is flirting an involuntary act?
Course not.

Another one. When you decide NOT to flirt, is it such a big sacrifice?
Well for me its not since I'm not good at it. If flirting is a hobby or a vice for someone, I guess flirting will be a such a burden for him/her.

How easy/difficult is it to not flirt?
In my case its easy (read above lolz). It will be difficult for a natural flirt. As in profuse sweating and so on and so forth haha.

Do you guys think flirting with another woman is wrong if you already have a special someone (or let's say you're already committed)?
Well for me flirting even if your just in a bf/gf relationship is wrong because you're already entertaining temptation which may lead to cheating and infidelity. For others, as long as the cat is away they just play and play, which can be habitual.

Is flirting normal for guys?
No I don't think so, just like in my case. It really depends. Don't generalize.

Like when you do that, it doesn't mean you love your significant other less?
When some people flirt it doesn't necessarily mean that he/she loves their partner less, although you may feel that way. In some cases, people do flirt because they really don't love or don't love their partner that much.

-----------------------
Now about me. I love my man. Sometimes I see other guys who are attractive and there are quite a few who've shown interest. But it's very easy for me to shrug them off and it doesn't take a lot of effort/energy to do that. And I think it's mainly because I really love my man.
- I envy your man, lucky guy for having you, I just hope he knows your worth in his life. I have also other girl friends (girl na friends ha!) who are really uber pretty but love their guy the same as you do. And some of them pa nga turn rude when some freak becomes persistent in pursuing them. Kudos to you. May the Big-Guy-Upstairs bless me with someone as loving and faithful as you. ;)

For me, it's as simple as frying an egg. What I can't comprehend is the thought that my man is giving a part of his attention to an inappropriate someone else while he keeps on saying that he really loves me. More often than not, I feel that he does love me. But does he really love me when he can do such a thing?
- Same here, I mean not that I'm a chic magnet nor am I a Brad Pitt look a like but I avoid initiating it whenever and if ever it occurs and do my best from keeping one from ever surfacing coz once its up it may eat me alive.

Wow, I needed to get that off my chest! I just really need to ask these questions because I want to understand my man. Thanks to all those who will participate in this discussion.
- Now I really salute you ;) you're really one of those rare things found at the end of rainbows, may your leprechaun guard and guide you well and lead you to a better understanding of your man. I'm glad you've sorted it out well with your hubby. Keep us posted. Gambatte Kudasai! :D

PS. Just a tip, naturally, men wants something they can pursue/chase or save. They want adventure or to be a knight in a shining armor. So make your man chase, pursue you more or be a princess in distress, courtship should never end after tying the knot, it should be continued in the marriage (Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Jackson).

[ayanis-marie]

Both man and woman have things in common.It's not just the man that flirts.,
woman too if they want.It depends if the foundation of your relationship is
strong.If you love someone,you must trust him.Woman would have to give
her respect and love,while man should give his understanding and love.
But if sometimes,he make a mistake..(no one is perfect by the way)give
him a chance still (if you really love him).
Sometimes though the man doesn't flirts,what if he was flirted??But don't
worry too much,marami man siyang tinitingnan,at least ikaw lang yong ti-
nitigan.:( Maybe we sometimes think too much,,carry it lightly.,don't
squeeze him too strong,you might ended losing your loveone.relationship
is compose of a love triangle always....a Man,a Woman and GOD.
Pray for your relationship too na magiging matatag.
Good luck