Hobby for me is to laugh>Stress it out..

[luvberry]

Gumamit ng tide... (A letter from a satisfied costumer)


Dear Proctor & Gamble,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have in your Tide detergent. I've used it through my married life, since Mom told me it was the best. Now, in my 50s, I find it even better.

A month ago I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

My inconsiderate, uncaring husband started berating me about how clumsy I was, and just generally started being a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stains out using a bargain detergent, but it would not come out. I made a quick trip to the store and purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative. To my surprise and satisfaction, all the stains came out.

In fact, the stains came out so well that the detective who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief. Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect. I thank you once again for having such a great product.

Well, I have to go and write a letter to the Hefty Bag people. They also have a wonderful product.

Sincerely,
A Happy Customer

:biglaugh: :biglaugh: :biglaugh: ......

[fremsite]

luvberry ... hello ~~~ nice one .. can i join ? :p


A fairy taleSLEEPWALKING By Yason Banal
The Philippine STAR . http://philstar.com/philstar/main/20050515/images/lif12.jpg Once upon a time there was a Purita Kalaw Ledesma and Yayo Aguila boyband named Chaka Khan. He was the son of an Aglipay whose G.I. Joe died of Anita Linda and left her all alone with a bulging Chanda Romero. When he was still Lilet, Chaka’s mother confessed that she in fact gave birth to Twin Towers Pre- 9/11.

"Raising two boys was Mahalia Jackson," the mother wailed – close to tears and a nervous breakdown. "I had to give up your brother Chenelyn! How can I sustain both of you with my meager salary as a Bebang Mayta? Please understand, I had no choice but to give him to my Nina Ricci mistress. She may be all Cathy Dennis, Kelvinator and Menchu Menchaca, but she can definitely Givenchy a better life even at least to your Kuya Germs. I just didn’t want either of you to be Tom Jones."

Chaka Khan knew Camilla Parker Bowles all too well: This was the same Churchill woman who constantly abused and berated his mother until the poor woman became a junk shop and went Lucrecia Kasilag, eventually perishing in a Lupita Kashiwara fashion. His brother Chenelyn knew of his true roots but opted to turn a Stevie Wonder, and despite his deceptively Jongoloid, Chiquito and Fayatollah Kumenis demeanor, he was a actually a red-blooded antibiotic and anaconda – he even put Ativan Gang in Mother Lily’s drink once, fully aware that she liked to Ruffa her alcohol and Leticia Ramos Shahani. Fortunately, some Siete Pecados informed Chaka Khan of Chenelyn’s deadly plan and Enter the Dragon in time to Julie Andrews the Evil Knievel. This was but one among many reasons why Chenelyn was so Rita Gomez with Chaka Khan, whom he consequently coerced into servitude as his Fra Lippo Lippi

48 years and one day, an invitation from the royal palace arrived at Chenelyn’s house. "Oh my, finally Prince Dakota Harrison Plaza is going to have a P.B.A.! I’m so Pointer Sisters!

Both men were invited to come, but Chaka Khan knew Chenelyn wouldn’t allow him to go to the grand affair. When the day came, Chenelyn made such a Continental Fusion. His brother had to rush about in hysteria, alternately combing his Wig Tysmans, ironing his suit and polishing his San Fernando, Pampanga. Chenelyn came out of the closet like a Snooky Serna in Blusang Itim and did not look a tad Murriah Carey, Miss Nigeria or Girlie Rodis. Chaka Khan, Pagoda Cold Wave Lotion by then, couldn’t do anything else except sit down and Crayola Khomeini when his brother N.P.A

"Oh no. How I wish I could Robina Gokongwei-Pe to the party."

A strong gale suddenly whiffed pass Chaka Khan, pushing him to the ground. As he tried to regain his bearings, in front of him stood a lovely Thunder Cat, silver Wanda Louwallien in her Hans Montenegro.

"Chaka Khan," she said. "I am your fairy godmother and I shall help you with your Wishful Thinking by China Crisis. But remember you must leave the ball before the clock strikes Twelve Apostles for that is when the Magic Johnson ends."

To Chaka’s amazement, his shabby outfit Optimus Prime into a golden barong tagalog peppered with Diamanda Galas and Pearl Harbor bombing, while on her Fita biscuits in Can were the prettiest pair of glass slippers. After expressing gratitude to the Wrangler for the Jesus Christ Superstar, Chaka Khan hopped on his new Rosa Rosal and swiftly charged to the palace. He arrived Pocahontas but his Granada de Espana entourage hushed everyone in the room, Reyna Elena with Rent-A-Cars, Emena Gushungs, Pamenthols, Chuckie Dreyfusses and Joana Parases with Duty Free Bags. No one could Sinead O’ Connor to Chaka Khan’s quality control –everyone was Luz Valdes, from the performance artists to the success stories. They all wanted to backstroke Chaka Khan, most especially Chenelyn who looked like Eva Kalaw compared to his gorgeous twin. The newly acquainted couple danced all evening much to the neurosurgeon of the X-Men and Backstreet Boys

After the long and pleasant Discorama, Prince Dakota Harrison Plaza escorted Chaka Khan to the Megamall Cinema. There he asked the Bionic Woman question:

"So do you have a jowabelles?"

"Washington Sycip," replied Chaka Khan.

"Truman Capote? There is Cheese Whiz going around that you’re Ella Fitzgerald."

"Noel Coward, its really more like Piolo Pascual and his leading ladies."

"What do you mean OB Montessori?

"If it’s a one-off date: STUDIO CONTESTANT. If more frequent: MONTHLY FINALIST. If there’s mutual understanding: GRAND FINALIST. If it’s a call-in prostitute: LUCKY TEXT PARTNER."

"Wella Shampoo, can I be your Lucky Home Partner then?"

"Sharon Cuneta."

"Oprah Winfrey?"

"Zsa Zsa Padilla!"

In his elation, the Prince went down on his knees and sang to Chaka Khan. "Through the fire, through the limit, through the wall. For a chance to be with you, I’d gladly risk it all. Through the fire, through the ever-come-what-may. For a chance in loving you, I’d take it all the way. Right down through the wire. Even through the fire."

Everyone cheered and started Cleopatra. Chaka Khan was so happy to have finally found true love and felt like a Triumph Bra. But he was having so much Fun Chum that he forgot that it was almost Toning

The clock began to strike. One. Two. Three

He hurried out of the ballroom. Four. Five. Six.

As he ran down the stairs, one of his glass slippers fell off. Seven. Eight. Nine.

He hit his head on the palace gate. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.

Thirteen, and poof! Chaka Khan woke up from his deep slumber, grabbed the invite to the ball and jumped in the Carmen Pateña. The engine whirred, panted and shortly died thereafter.

Chaka had no choice but to Walker Briefs to the Opposition Party.

What a Lucita Soriano

The end

[PACIFIC GP]

Dumating ang boss sa hacienda nya dahil may masama raw na balita. At nagulat sya sa pagpasok sa entrance ng hacienda dahil madilim at kandila lang ang ilaw. Duon ay sinalubong sya ng tauhan nya.

Boss : Bakit mga kandila lang ilaw natin. Di ba binibigyan kita
ng pangbayad sa koryente. Baka di mo naman binabayaran.
Tauhan : Hindi po. Pero, boss huwag kayong mabibigla. May masamang balita.
Boss : Ano yun? (medyo nagulat)
Tauhan : Ang pinakaminamahal nyong love birds ay namatay.
Boss : Ano ba ang nangyari? (medyo inis, pero ok lang...love birds lang)
Tauhan : Nasunog po kasi ang bahay nyo last weekend at kasama sa
mga nasunog ang love birds.
Boss : Nasunog ang bahay ko! Bakit? (biglang nagalit)
Tauhan : Nuong weekend po ay walang tao sa bahay at bigla pong
dumating ang nanay nyo na may dalang kandila. Napagkamalan
ko syang magnanakaw at nabaril ko po sya. Nabitawan nya ang
kandila kaya nagkasunog at namatay sya sa tama ng bala.
　　　 Siya po ang nakaburol ngayon dito. Kaya maraming kandila.
Boss : Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi? (nagwawala na at umiiyak na)

[cosmicbblgum]

Doc : I'm sorry po misis, pinutol napo namin ang braso't binti ng mister ninyo dahil sa aksidente. Kelangan nio napo siyang pakanin at subuan sa araw-araw.

Misis : Talga Doc? *Naku pano na yan huhu..

Doc : Joke lang!

Misis : Yehey!

Doc : Di na kaio mabiro misis, Joke lang sabi! Patay na mister niyo! :eek:

[itchay]

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example."

"Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" says the redneck.

The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck says, "Amazin!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.

"Math, History, and Logic!" replies the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"Fag."