JOKe,JOKe,JOKe

[pooh_chan]

:D A Happy Life?

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. " I couldn't help noticing how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life?"
" I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." " That's amazing," the woman said. " How old are you now?" " Twenty six, " he said.:D

[Aquamarine]

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the
bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the
pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her... "Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady... "I'd
better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the
warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
money?" " Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot
of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each
time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or
off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way,
what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

[pooh_chan]

Nag-aaway ang dalawang tanga....

Kulas: Ano ba ang gusto mo? away o gulo?
Tomas: Away na lang para walang gulo.:D

[chubby_kulot]

A Girl and a Parrot

Parrot sa naglalakad na Girl......
Parrot: PANGIT!!! PANGIT!!!

Girl: Sabihin mo ulit sakin yan, papatayin na kita!!

Next day......

Parrot: Pssssst....
Girl: Ano?
Parrot: Alam mo na yun...
:biglaugh:

First day ng klase.Siyempre, magpapakilala muna si titser.[mukhang strikto, terror ala Miss Tapia...]Sinulat niya ang pangalan niya sa blackboard....'Miss Pruke.'
...Pigil ang hagikgik ng mga estudyante.baka mapagalitan sila.
"My name is Miss Pruke. Don't forget.With an R, with an R, with an R." sabi ni titser. "Bukas bago magsimula ang klase,..kapag meron akong tinawag, dapat alam niyong banggitin ang pangalan ko ng tama."
Paglabas ng mga estudyante ng klassroom..Inulit-ulit nila sa kanilang isip, "with an R..with an R..with an R."
Kinabukasan, preparado ang lahat sa pagtawag ng titser maliban kay Juan. Wala namang
ginagawa si Juan sa klase kundi mag-daydream...kaya siya ang napansin ng titser.
"Juan!"sigaw ni titser. gulat na tumayo si Juan.
"Yes ma'am?"
"Ano ang pangalan ko?"
Namamawis sa kaba si Juan. nakalimutan niya ang pangalan ng titser.
Sabay sabay ang buong klase sa pagbigay sa kanya ng clue. "With an R, with an R, with an R"
"Ah!" biglang naisip ni Juan, "Natatandaan ko na po ang pangalan niyo."
"Ano?" tanong ni titser.
"Miss Prekprek."
:biglaugh:

[uvy]

ha,ha,ha,...nakakatu wa naman!!!

[pooh_chan]

Dentist Alibi:
Dentist: Hiwalay na tayo. Ngadududa na ang mister mo.
Babae: But I love you so.
Dentist: Sorry sweetheart, ubos nang alibi mo. Isang ngipin na lng ang natitira sa iyo!:D

[chubby_kulot]

Use BORROW in a sentence.
...Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.
Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.
...Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.
Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.
Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know what this is, it's a
city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA)
...Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun, pero,
ma-ARTESIA.
Use CADET in a sentence.
...CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya.
Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
...Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.
Use CENTURION in a sentence.
...Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.
Use DEDICATE in a sentence.
...Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan.
Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
...Brownout...sigura dong DIFFUSION pumutok.
Use LAITY in a sentence.
...Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.
Use MENTION in a sentence.
...Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.
Use ebonic word MOTHA' FUCKA' in a sentece.
...Iho mag-ingat, ka baka MOTHA' FUCKA'


LOVE

Lovelines through the years
1950s -- Iniirog kita.
1960s -- Iniibig kita.
1970s -- Minamahal kita.
1980s -- I love you.
1990s -- Tara sa kwarto.
2000s -- Pwede na rito.

GIRL'S PRAYER

Dasal naman ng mga babae:
Sa edad na 20 - "Lord, I want the best man."
Sa edad na 25 - "Lord, I want a good man."
Sa edad na 30 - "Lord, I want any man."
Sa edad na 40 - "Lord, please naman..."

[chubby_kulot]

ellow po...busy lahat ng pipol sa EArth...minnasan gambatte ne..pOst lang ako...pampaalis ng strecth mark este..stress pala :jiggy:

ang 3 vampires...

merong tatlong klase ng vampires mayaman, may kaya at squater
kumain sila sabay sabay sa restaurant...

mayaman: fresh blood please...
maykaya: dinuguan lang po
squater: isa ngang hot water dyan!
nagtaka ung waiter...
waiter: sir bakit po hot water lang?!
naglabas ng gamit na modess ung squater
squater: magchachaa lang ako

diba ang bulag para makakita gumagamit ng aso?!

isang araw may isang bulag na may aso na pumunta sa circus
nagtanong ung bata kung bakit mayroon siyang kasamang aso...
bata: manong bakit po mayroon kayong aso?!
bulag: para makakita ako, sya ang mga mata ko
maya maya...
nakita ng bata iniikot ng bulag ung aso nya sa air
bata: manong bakit nyo naman iniikot ung aso?!
bulag: wala lang just looking around...


palamigan ng wiwi...

hapon umihi sa pader sa sobrang lamig nabasag ung pader

amerikano umihi sa swimming pool sa sobrang lamig naging ice

pinoy umihi sa cemento wala nang yari..
lahat ng tao nagboo!

after 5 mins. lumabas si satanas sumisigaw ang lamig ang lamig...

[Yujin]

ok tong thread na to ah :D
pasali din ha

1
SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid cash!
INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY: Gago! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!

2
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.

3
Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext...
PEPE: Tol! pasa load namn! 2pesos lang, my katx lng me.
Tol: cge. w8 lng. (message sent)
Pepe: Tnx tol! bait mo talaga!
Tol: Gago! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa ko sayo!!!
Pepe: k.

4
ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte ang taong nangrape sayo?
INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal...
SUSPEK: cge!!, mangasar ka pa!!!!

5
dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis...
Ngongo: "nges hu?"....
MRS: gago!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan... e ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!

6
Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap...

7
u wont beliv wat things people do these days.. i was sitting nxt 2 dis girl in church & in the middle of the mass she light a cigaret! na-shock ako!!!... i almost dropped my Beer!!!

8a
COURT ROOM : Q and A
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

8b
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

8c
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

8d
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

8e
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

8f
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

8g
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

8h
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

8i
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

[pooh_chan]

natawa ako dun sa no.4 & 5 mo na post....
ito pa hirit ko ha:

Daddy: Anak, bili mo ko ng softdrinks.
Anak: coke o pepsi?
D: Coke
A: diet o regular?
D: regular
A: bote o in can?
D: bote.
A: 8oz o litro?
D: PUNYETA! tubig na lng!
A: mineral o natural?
D: mineral.
A: malamig o hindi?
D:t_ngina! hampasin kita ng walis eh!
A: tambo o tingting?
D: HAYOP ka!
A: BAKA O BABOY? :D :D

[pooh_chan]

ot na ako hehehe.....

"Madam, bakit po kau pandak?

GLORIA: kasi maaga akong naulila, bata pa lng ako.

" Anu naman po kaugnayan dun sa pagiging pandak nyo?

" GLORIA: Tanga, wala nga'ng nagpalaki sa akin!:biglaugh:

[chubby_kulot]

What do parents want from their daughter's suitors?
1. Pleasing PESO-nality
2. Good CAR-acteristics
3. Good family BANK-ground
4. Lots of good MONEYrs
5. Nice and CASH-ual

Kasal…
Padre: ikaw lalake ang haligi ng tahanan at ikaw naman babae ang ilaw ng tahanan.
Byenan: "Eh, padre ano ako."
Padre: Sino ka ba?
Byenan: ako po ang byenan....
Padre: "biyenan" ikaw ang anay ng tahanan…

STAGES OF MARRIAGE:
Year 1: Man goes home, wife gives slippers and the dog barks.
Year 2: Man goes home, dog gives slippers and wife barks.
Year 3: At home, man and wife barks. SLIPPERS HIT DOG

[pooh_chan]

hi sis chubby, parang tayong dalawa lng ang tao dito sa thread na ito ha:p ! yong iba ayaw mag share ng jokes nila, pero ok lng basa na lng kayo & hope you enjoy kahit medyo corny sya, wala lng pampalipas ng oras......

ito pa hirit ko,

A priest at a church. LADY: Father, ang guapo at ang cute mo naman, bakit ka pa kasi nag pari?

PRIEST: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na mag madre ako, bruha ka!:biglaugh: :biglaugh:

[chubby_kulot]

okie lang un sis pooh chan...tanggal din ng stress ang magbasa kasi eh..kaya tayong dalawa..post lang ng post...heheheheh :jiggy: :jiggy:


babanat uli ako ha.... :biglaugh:

Speaking Japanese - Filipino/English to Japanese translations:

Manok - Sekken
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Cook - Giza-giza
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
This - Itto
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto.
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!

[Yujin]

Nakakaaliw lahat ng post ninyo. pooh_chan
makikisali ulit ako :D

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country. (US ?!) enjoy

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. <ano daw ?>

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face <aray sakit naman !>

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. <patay tayo dyan!>

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

<eto champion hehe>
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

[pooh_chan]

nice 1 yujin san,
ito hirit ulit ako ha, tatlo lng kasi tayo dito sa thread na ito eh, pero ok lng hehehe:D

TINDERO: sir bili na kayo ng kurtina.....

ERAP: sige bibili ako para sa computer ko....

TINDERO: bakit po sa computer?

ERAP: Halerrrr! may WINDOW's din kaya un!.....gosh so bobo!:jiggy: :jiggy:

[halloween]

Kakaaliw naman mga jokes nyo.

Share din ako.

Isang araw, umuwi si Mrs. umiiyak kaya tinanong ngayon sha ng kanyang mister.

Mrs: Huhuhuhu, honey naiinis ako!
Mr: Bakit, anong nangyari?
Mrs: Yung boss ko hinalikan ako! Napakawalang hiya nya!
Mr: Yung boss mo? Di ba sabi mo 70 anyos na yon?
Mrs: Oo nga! ang tanda tanda na, mahilig pa!
Mr: San ka ba hinalikan?
Mrs: Sa hair ko.
Mr: Sus, baka naman fatherly kiss lang yon, ikaw naman wag mong lagyan ng malisya.
Mrs: Okay lang sana kung fatherly kiss lang eh pero di ganon eh.
Mr: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan?
Mrs: Eh honey naman, unano kaya ang boss ko!!!!

Ngek ngek ngek! Tawa na kayo!

Eto pa isa.

Si Erap, pag nagtrabaho sa call center, eto linya nya.

If you wish to speak in Filipino please press 1. If you wish to speak in Cebuano please press 2. If you wish to speak in English, DON'T CALL AGAIN, EVER!

[pooh_chan]

hi halloween, welcome sa thread na ito,

natawa ako sa share mo na joke,:D sige pa add lng ng add, fell free....:type:

[Aquamarine]

Magkasintahan habang namamasyal...
Maria: Anton, ayokong tumandang dalaga, tuloy ba ang kasal natin???:confused: :confused:

Anton: Tuloy............... ....







............ ang pagtandang dalaga mo!:D :D

[chubby_kulot]

Boy en Girl....

Boy: Ipapasok ko na ha?
Girl: Dahan-dahan lang ha!
Boy: ako ang bahala!
Girl: aahhh...ang sarap
Boy: ididiin ko pa!
Girl: oo sige...ikot-ikutin mo rin...aaahhhhh
Boy: ayan malinis na! kabilang tenga naman
.....akala nyo kung ano noh....hehehehe.. :biglaugh:

eto pa po isa...

Say it in English ....
Student: Ma'am pasensya na, nawala ako kahapon kasi nanganak ang nanay ko.
Titser: Speak in English!!
Student: Ma'am, I was lost yesterday because my mother was born...
Titser: Very good, seeting down...

eto pa ang pangalawa...

First Time Sa Pier:

Apo: Lolo, ang laki pala ng barko sa personal!

Lolo: Loko! Huwag kang maingay, baka mahalatang taga-bukid tayo… mamaya, lilipad na ‘yan!

ang pangatlo....

amo at katulong...

Habang sila ay naglalakad, nagsalita ang Bisayang katulong....
katulong: Mom, nakakaawa naman ang mga nakalibing dito.
Lahat sila ay pawang mga ginahasa.
amo:Paano mo naman nasabi yon?
katulong:Kasi po, lahat sila ay ni RIP.

ang kasunod...


BUNTIS NA....

Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh!
Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya!




marami pa po eh...next naman un iba :jiggy:
enjoy reading mga ka-timog....

[fremsite]

M-O-R-E~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! !!:bouncy: ahahahahaha~~~!!! enjoy naman akong basahin mga jokes ninyo ~~~ :yesyes: sorry .. wala akong ma-share eh ~~ read mode na lang ako while making tawa-tawa here ... nyahahahaha~~~~!!!! :roll: :biglaugh:

[pooh_chan]

ito din hirit ulit ako,

Kahit maputi na ang buhok ko.....

MISIS: Love, mamahalin mo pa kaya ako kahit maputi na ang buhok ko?

MISTER: Ano ba yan! Dati buhok mo itim, naging brown, tapos pula naman, ngayon papalitan mo na naman ng puti?:jiggy: :jiggy:



ito pa,

Dying Man.....

A priest was preparing a man for his death. Whispering firmly, the priest said,

" denounce the devil" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order.

Still the dying man said nothing. The priest ask, " Why do you refuse to denounce the devil?" The dying man said,
" Until I know where im going , I don't think I ought to say something bad to anybody....nyek, nyek,nyek:jiggy: :jiggy:


ito pa ulit, basa lng kayo ha!

Asintado na:

JUAN: Pare , hihiwalayan ko na talaga si misis. Binato ako ng plato kagabi.....

PEDRO: Hindi ka na nasanay pare, Isang taon ka nang binabato ng plato ng misis mo di ba?

JUAN: Ayoko na talaga, asintado na sya. Dalawang gabi na akong tinatamaan.....nyek, nyek, nyek hehehehe:roll: :roll:

[mai]

Boy en Girl....

Boy: Ipapasok ko na ha?
Girl: Dahan-dahan lang ha!
Boy: ako ang bahala!
Girl: aahhh...ang sarap
Boy: ididiin ko pa!
Girl: oo sige...ikot-ikutin mo rin...aaahhhhh
Boy: ayan malinis na! kabilang tenga naman
.....akala nyo kung ano noh....hehehehe.. :biglaugh:

eto pa po isa...

Say it in English ....
Student: Ma'am pasensya na, nawala ako kahapon kasi nanganak ang nanay ko.
Titser: Speak in English!!
Student: Ma'am, I was lost yesterday because my mother was born...
Titser: Very good, seeting down...

eto pa ang pangalawa...

First Time Sa Pier:

Apo: Lolo, ang laki pala ng barko sa personal!

Lolo: Loko! Huwag kang maingay, baka mahalatang taga-bukid tayo… mamaya, lilipad na ‘yan!

ang pangatlo....

amo at katulong...

Habang sila ay naglalakad, nagsalita ang Bisayang katulong....
katulong: Mom, nakakaawa naman ang mga nakalibing dito.
Lahat sila ay pawang mga ginahasa.
amo:Paano mo naman nasabi yon?
katulong:Kasi po, lahat sila ay ni RIP.

ang kasunod...


BUNTIS NA....

Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh!
Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya!




marami pa po eh...next naman un iba :jiggy:
enjoy reading mga ka-timog....

hahahaha!!!! sobrang nakakatawa~ nakakamiss ang pinas.... MORE!!!

[Yujin]

Nakakaaliw lahat, pooh_chan, chubby_kulot and lahat ng post hehe
Makisali ulit ako ha .. enjoy

Did you know that some English song titles can sound so funny and
outrageous when translated in Tagalog?

Here are some of them: :D

Imagine -- Mantakin Mo
Bluer Than Blue -- Malapit Na Sa Hukay
Too Young -- Nakana Mo Batang-bata
Tonight's The Night -- Patay Kang Bata Ka
Hey Jude -- Hoy Hudas!
Power Of Love -- Buntis
How Deep Is Your Love -- Gaano Kalalim Yang Sayo
Three Times A Lady -- Super Bakla
More Than A Woman -- Tomboy (T-Bird)
Can't Be With You Tonight -- Meron Ako Ngayon
Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know -- Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga (wife
version to husband)
You Should Know By Now -- Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan, Tanga! (mistress
version to lover's wife)
Sometimes When We Touch -- Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan
Touch Me In The Morning -- Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga
Stairway To Heaven -- Mula Paa Hanggang Singit
Hurt So Good -- Array, Araa...ay Sarrap!
Someone That I Used To Love -- Ang Dati Kong Pang-ibabaw (female
version); & Ang Dati Kong Pang-ilalim (male version)
Total Eclipse Of The Heart -- Maitim Ang Puso
I Left My Heart In San Francisco -- Walang Puso

King And Queen Of Hearts -- Tong-it Na Ko Sa Jack <champion hehehe>

[chubby_kulot]

nakakatanggal talaga ng stress ang pagtawa..basta wag lang sosobra ha .... :biglaugh:

enjoy reading.... :sweeties:

it`s all about erap jokes....

Bill: lets help one another.
Erap: tayoy magtulungan
Bill: lets strive
Erap: tayo ay magsikap
Bill: because in union there is strength!
Erap: pagkat sa sibuyas may titigas :biglaugh:

erap with loi..watching tv
Erap: may magsui-suicide sa tv. bet you di siya tatalon.
Loi: sige.
Erap: ay tumalon. talo ako.
Loi: kita ko na kasi yan sa news kanina.
Erap: ako rin kita ko, pero di ko akalain tatalon siya uli.
nyak nyak nyak :jiggy: :jiggy: :jiggy:

erap in the meeting...
Russia: we are the first in space.
Usa: we are the 1st in d moon.
Erap: we will be the 1st on the sun.
Usa: you can't land on the sun, it`s too hot.
Erap: we are not stupid,we go there at night. :biglaugh:

History: Philippine presidents (past & present)
Marcos: martial law,
Cory: edsa revolution,
Ramos: centenial president,
Erap: melenium bug.

erap at the hospital...
US Dr: Mr. president you have a brain tumor.
Erap: Ha! Ha! Ha!
US Dr: Why are you laughing?
Erap: I'm happy coz in the philippines i have no brain, but here i have two more.

Erap went to star bucks,
Erap: isang kape nga!
Waiter: sir, decaf po ba?
Erap (mad): aba syempre, alangan naman de plato! :food:

Erap gets held up while driving a car.
Hold-upper: "Akinang pera mo!"
Erap: "Di mo ba alam kung sino ako?
Dati akong presidente."
Hold-upper: " Eh kung ganoon, akinang pera ko!" heheheheh :biglaugh:

enjoy mga ka-timog.... :sweeties:

[kaori]

Diksyunario ng Pambansang wika:

Papa=daddy ko?Nde syota nya...gwapings!
Mama=syota ni papa
Itich=makati?Ang alin?Ito!
Anik=ano?Mismo!
Deadma sa barangay=as in care nya sa world!
Imberna=imbyerna
Gerlash=pa-girly,i.e.naka-dress,naka-make-up,etc.
Pa-gerl=bading
Tweetums=pa cute
Lakas ng arrive=Sinong dumating?Sinong malakas?
Kaka=si kaka yung malakas?Siya rin ba yung Dumating?Hmp!Kakaini s!
Chaka=pangit
Okray=lokohin
Achuchu=bless you!ay
Parang anik=anik din pala
Tienes-tienes=synonym ng achuchu,anik-anik

[Yujin]

smile naman dyan :):D

Stress Reliever # 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home ! at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed ! up in his 1932 Rolls
Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."

Stress Reliever # 8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Stress Reliever # 9
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married
her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Stress Reliever # 10
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.The guy replies:
Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever # 11
A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."

Stress Reliever # 12
Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are
sleeping with?"
Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"

Stress Reliever # 13
"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."

Stress Reliever # 14
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or
my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humour."

Stress Reliever # 15
Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you
having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"
Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."

[kaori]

ERAP'S CLOCK:

Dra. Loi Estrada died and went to heaven.As she stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.She asked,"What are all those clocks?".St. Peter answered,"Those are Lie-Clocks.Everyone on earth has a lie-clock.Everytime you lie the hands on your clock will move.
Oh!,said Loi,who's clock is that?
That's Mother Theresa's.The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie.
Who's clock is that?asked Loi pointing to another one.
That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.The hands have moved only twice telling us that Honest Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life.
Where's Erap's clock?,Loi asked.
Erap's clock is in Jesus' office.He's using it as a ceiling fan.

[Bangis]

MAGALING NA DAW

Ine-examin nung Doktor yung isang pasyente sa Mental Hospital sa
pamamagitan ng tanong at sagot. Tanong nung Doktor, "Kung ikaw ay
palabasin ngayon sa ospital, ano ang iyong unang gagawin?" Sagot
nung pasyente, "Titiradorin ko po ang buwan!" Wika nung Doktor,
"Ikaw ay hindi pa pwedeng palabasin. E-examinin ulit kita sa
paglipas ng anim na buwan."

Pagkaraan ng anim na buwan, muling inexamin nung Doktor yung pasyente.
Tanong nung Doktor, "Kung ikaw ay palabasin ngayon sa ospital, ano
ang iyong gagawin?" Sagot ng pasyente. "Doktor, ako'y magaling na.
Pagkalabas ko po sa ospital, ako po ay hahanap ng trabaho upang
mamuhay ng mag-isa." Muling nagtanong ang Doktor, "Pagnakahanap ka
ng trabaho, ano ang iyong gagawin?" Sagot ng pasyente, "Doktor, ako
po ay manliligaw ng isang mabait, masipag at magandang babaeng pwede
kong makakapiling na pang habang buhay." Gulat ang Doktor! Mukhang
matino na ang kaniyang pasyente! Muli pang nagtanong ang Doktor,
"Pagkatapos niyong makasal, ano ang iyong gagawin?" Sagot ng pasyente,
"Aba, Doktor, kami po ay mag-hahanimun!" Bilib na naman ang Doktor.
Tanong ulit ng Doktor, "Ano ang iyong gagawin sa inyong hanimun?"

Sagot ng pasyente, "Doktor, huhubarin ko po ang blusa at palda ng
aking bagong asawa.""Pagkatapos..." tanong ng Doktor. "Pagkatapos...
" sabi ng pasyente, "huhubarin ko ang kaniyang bra at panty".
"Pagkatapos..." tanong ng Doktor. "Pagkatapos..." sabi ng pasyente,
"kukunin ko lahat ng lastiko sa bra at panty at titiradorin ko ang buwan!"


ANG CAMEL

May isang Pinoy sa Saudi maisipang takasan ang
kalupitan ng kanyang mga Amo. Sa kagipitan,
ipinasya niyang tawirin ang disyerto at humanap
ng magandang kapalaran sa Kuwait. Sa kanyang
konting ipon, bumili siya ng Camel at gamit sa
paglalakbay at dahil di niya alam paluhurin ang
Camel para sakyan, nagdala na rin siya ng hagdanan.

Ikat'long araw sa paglalakbay sinumpung ang Pinoy
ng matinding pangangailangan (Libog). Sawa na
siyang magparaos sa pamamagitan ng kanyang kamay
kaya ipinasya niyang pagparausan ang Camel (total
nasa gitna siya ng disyerto at wala namang makakakita
sa kanya). Dahil mataas ang Camel, gumamit siya ng
hagdan, ngunit sa tuwing tatangkain niyang 'ipasok'
nakikiliti and Camel at humamakbang kaya si Pinoy
nahuhulog. Ganoon ng ganoon hanggang sa magsawa ang
Pinoy sa pagtatangka at ipinasya niyang magpatuloy
sa paglalakbay. Ganoon pa man, hindi matanggal ang
kanyang pagnanasa na makaraos sa kanyang pangangailangan.

Ika - limang araw sa paglalakbay ng makakakita siya ng
napaka-gandang Pinay na hinahabol ng Arabyano.
"Tulongan ninyo ako" ang sigaw ng Pinay "gusto nila
akong pagsamantalahan at patayin." Si Pinoy pinagbabaril
ang mga humahabol at iniligtas ang kababayang Pinay.

Ang Pinay nagpapasalamat: "Salamat po at iniligtas ninyo
ako, utang ko sa inyo ang aking buhay, at gagawin ko po
ang kahit na ano bilang pasasalamat.

Ang Pinoy nangangailangan (nalilibugan) pa rin: "Talaga?"

"Opo, kahit po ano gagawin ko para sa inyo"

Ang Pinoy tumutulo ang laway sa pagnanasa: "Talaga, kahit
na ano?"

"Opo, kahit po ano"

"Kung ganoon, PAKI HAWAKAN MO ANG CAMEL"

[ladygems1216]

Quote:

" Nang malaman ng lola na may cancer siya tinanong nya ang doctor kung anong gagawin.
doctor: che-chemo.
lola: t*t* mo rin! bastos kang doctor ka! ":D

[chubby_kulot]

pahirit uli mga ka-timog... :type:

isang eksena sa korte
ATTY: Miss, pwede mo band i describe dito sa korte yung nang reyp sayo?
MISS: (umiiyak) maiitim po sya, kalbo, bungi, pango at mabaho po ang hininga. --- SUSPECK: SIGE!! MAMINTAS KA PA!! :biglaugh: :biglaugh:

nanay:anak ano tong zero sa test paper mo?
anak:nay hindi po yan zero, naubusan po kasi ng star si maam kaya binigyan nya akong moon :jiggy: :jiggy:

Nung bata ako, tuwing may kasal, lagi akong tinutukso nila lola,
“uuuyyy, sya na susunod!!…
Tumigil lang sila nung may funeral at tinukso ko sila na,
“uuuuyyy, sila na susunod!!…” nyak nyak nyak :jiggy: :biglaugh:


enjoy reading... :sweeties:

[pooh_chan]

hirit ulit ako ha, read lng kayo mga friends...

ANAK: PA, nakapasa ako sa exam pa, huhuhuhu:cry: :cry:

PAPA: Anong subject anak??? :confused:

ANAK: Pregnant test po pa....:eek: :eek:

[pooh_chan]

ito pa,

Ano ang kaibahan ng PULITIKO sa magnanakaw?

ANSWER: ang PULITIKO tatakbo muna bago magnanakaw, ang MAGNANAKAW, magnanakaw muna bago tatakbo....::eeek: :biglaugh: :eeek:


# 2
Steward & erap:

STEWARD: Sir are you done?

ERAP: No, im ERAP,

STEWARD: I mean, are you finished sir?

ERAP: NO, im a filipino,

STEWARD: I mean, are you through?

ERAP: What do you think of me FALSE????????

Nyeekkk,nyeekk, nyeekk tawa na...:biglaugh: :biglaugh:

maya ulit, kayo naman.....

[chubby_kulot]

May isang lola na galing sa probinsiya lumuwas ng maynila...isang gabi gustong pumunta ng kanyang mga apo sa parti.

Apo: Lola, pupunta lang po kami sa tipar.
Lola: Anong tipar?
Apo: Lola e di party kayo talaga o.
Lola: Kayo talaga hirap dito sa maynila ang dami dami nyong natutunan na kung anu-ano hindi gaya sa province natin, nakakabadtrip kayo.... :jiggy: :jiggy:

Pauwi si Kulas galing ng trabaho at pagbukas ng pintuan sa bahay niya "BOOM"....biglang sinuntok siya sa kaliwang mata ng asawa niya.....sigaw ng babae,
Asawa: "Alam mo bang naglaba ako at may papel na nakasulat "Rosalinda" sa bulsa ng pantalon mo!"
Kulas: "Sweetheart naman, nangarera ako noong Sabado at pangalan ng kabayong tinayaan ko yun!"
......Kinabukasan, pag-uwi niya sa bahay, "BOOM"... sinuntok siya sa kanang mata ng asawa niya at sinabing,
Asawa: " Tumawag yung kabayo mo! "~~~ :firehead:

[Yujin]

Smart Woman (Pasali ako ulit)

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his, and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you.
Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers: Please scroll down.





..




..




..



The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women just think they're really smart, but...

Anyways, just let them continue to think that way.

PS: btw, If you are a woman and are still reading this;
it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
<Peace po sa mga babae at misis na makakabasa :D >

[pooh_chan]

ikaw talaga ha, yujin san......

sige hirit ulit ako,

Isang araw, sa isang prescon:

Reporter: Sir, can you tell me who's your favorite actor?

Erap: Si ARNOLD SCHWARTZNEGGER...... ..

Reporter: Sir, can you spell that name for me?

Erap: o sige na nga, si JET LI na lng....nyeek,nyeek, nyeek...:dowave:


# 2...SINAING:

NANAY: Anak, damihan mo sinaing ha kasama pusa't aso....

ANAK: opo nay....

makalipas ang isang oras.....

NANAY: lintek! bakit may pusa sa sinaing????????

ANAK: Hindi ko na nga po isinama ang aso eh, kasi hindi na kasya....:rant: :rant: :biglaugh: :biglaugh:

# 3.....malilimutin:

LUPE: Lolo tinong, bakit may hawak-hawak kayong palda ng babae sa kamay nyo?

LOLO: Ay lintek na yan! Nakalimutan ko ang lola mo sa bus....:roll: :roll:

#4...DEWENDE:

May kasabihan tayong mga pinoy na swerte daw ang dewende sa bahay....

E bakit sa malakanyang may dewendeng nakatira pero hirap pa rin ang pilipinas?????:toofu nny: :scratch: :scratch:


#5...BABAE SA PAGKAIN:
May dalawang magkumpare:

KUMPARE 1: Pre, pano mo ikukumpara ang girlfriend, kabit at asawa sa pamamagitan ng pagkain?

KUMPARE 2: Pano pare?

KUMPARE 1: Ang girlfriend parang tinola sa unang gabi masarap pero kinabukasan panis na. Ang kabit naman parang adobo kasi habang tumatagal lalong sumasarap!

KUMPARE 2: Eh pano naman ang asawa?

KUMPARE 1: Ang asawa ang da best! parang cornbeef yan, kasi anytym kahit saan abutan laging malinamnam! :biglaugh: :biglaugh:

tawa naman kayo dyan.....:toofunny: :toofunny: , o kayo naman mauubos na joke ko eh....


enjoy reading....:coffee:

[Yujin]

pooh_chan, makisali ulit ne,
dagdag sa husband and wife series :D

funny isn't it?

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife



Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten
me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of! this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto
for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed
Rich As Hell and Free! :D Peace ulit mga misis

[pooh_chan]

hahaha:biglaugh: :biglaugh: NICE joke yujin san, talagang natawa ako hehehe:roll: siraulong asawa, hindi kaya lampas hanggang langit ang pagsisisi nya ngayon? hehehe, :nono: dagdag ka pa ha!!!! natutuwa ako sa mga jokes mo.. :toofunny: :toofunny:

[chubby_kulot]

okie ang love letter mo Yujin....hehehhehe.. . :biglaugh:


ANG LORO

Tuwang-tuwa at parating pinagmamalaki nung Monsignor yung
kaniyang alagang loro.

Monsignor: "Itong aking loro ay hindi lang napakagaling magsalita kundi napakabanal pa! Kapag aking hinigit yung kadena sa kaniyang kaliwang paa, siya'y magsasalita ng buong dasal ng Ama Namin. Kapag akin namang hinigit yung kadena sa kaniyang kanang paa, siya'y magsasalita ng buong dasal ng Aba Ginoong Maria."

Tanong nung isang aleng nakikinig..
Ale: "Monsignor, kung sabay mong hatakin yung kadena sa kaniyang magkabilang paa, ano ang kaniyang isasalita?"
Monsignor: "Sapagkat hindi ko pa naisipang gawin yang itinatanong mo, subukan natin ngayon!" at sabay na hinatak nung Monsignor ang kadena sa magkabilang paa nung
loro.

Biglang nagsalita yung loro...
Loro: "taena naman, Padre, mahuhulog ako diyan sa ginagawa mong 'yan, eh!

:biglaugh: :biglaugh: :biglaugh:

[cumgetme]

George W. Bush, Laura Bush, and Dick Cheney are flying on Air Force One.
George looks at Laura, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a
$1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."
Laura shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $100 bills
out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Cheney says, "Of course, I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the
window and make a hundred people very happy."
The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says to his co-pilot,
"Such big shots back there; hell, I could throw all of them out the door
and make 56 million people very happy."

[cumgetme]

Bill Gates In purgatory
Submitted by HeadLaugher (http://www.laugh-of-the-day.com/act.php?action=profi le&user=HeadLaugher)on 2004-07-31 02:02 Bill Gates dies He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I?m really confused on this call. I?m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ?95. I?m going to do something I?ve never done before in your case: I?m going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "What?s the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I?m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

"I?ll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let?s try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"

"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was very nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I?d prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall in a dark cave, screaming amongst hot flames, being burned and tortured by demons.

"How?s everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can?t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?"

"That was just a demo," replied St. Peter.

[cumgetme]

The New CEO
A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - ?and how much money do you make a week??
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, ?I make $200.00 a week. Why??
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - ?here?s a week?s pay, now GET OUT and don?t come back!? Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - ?does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here??
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - ?That was the Pizza delivery guy?.





Random Animal Thoughts
Dog: "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."
Goldfish: "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don?t think I?ll mind eating the same fish flakes ... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"
Dog: "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"
Goldfish: "The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"
Parrot: "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HECK, no!"
Cat: "Why are these people in my house?"
Goldfish: "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There?s a new one!"





They are busy
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
"May I speak to your parents?"
"They?re busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The police."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They?re busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The firemen."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They?re busy."
"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they?re all busy? What are they doing?"
"Looking for me."





Failing Grade
Peter walked up to his teacher?s desk, holding a report card with a big red F.
"If I were you," said Peter, "I would change this while you still can."
"Why is that?" asked the teacher.
"Because my daddy told me that if I brought home one more failing report card, someone was going to get a beating."

[pooh_chan]

:thumb: nice 1 cumgetme san, gawin din natin yan sa pinas yan, hindi lang 56 million people ang magiging happy, more than that....:biglaugh:

[geminigirl]

Guard answering the telephone: Hello?....Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.
******
Teacher: class, I want you to watch sex scenes.
Class: What teacher?????
Teacher: What's wrong? It's a beautiful film starring Bros Welles (Bruce Willis)
Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!
******
Teacher: Sorry class, I'm late. My mother died three years ago. And now she's dead. (ano daw?)
******
Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically.
******
Posted in an establishment: None ID, nothing entry.
******
Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and mother, expecially your parents, understood? Bring them tomorrow infront of me, right here, right now!
******
Emcee in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I.
******
Alma Moreno in her show introduces Nora Aunor who comes in late: Finally, please welcome the late Nora Aunor.
******
Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Dell
Teacher: What is your old? (Maybe she meant how old are you?)
******

[chubby_kulot]

NAKABAWI

Isang binatang nasisiraan ng ulo ang isinugod sa pagamutan ng mga baliw sa
Mandaluyong City. Tawa nang tawa. Humahagikgik, humahalakhak at walang tigil.
Siyempre, bagong pasok ay ininterbyu siya ng naroong doktor.

"Rodel po ang pangalan ko. Mayaman po kami. Ang totoo po, may kakambal ako.
Magkamukhang-magkamukha kami at halos ay wala kaming pinagkaibahan. Dahil sa
sobrang pagkakamukha namin, sa eskuwelahan, kapag may test kami, siya ang
kumukuha para sa akin."

Tatangu-tango ang doktor. Sa isip- isip niya'y mukha namang matino ang binata.

"Minsan nga po, nang mapaaway siya sa isang bayan, ako ang nakulong. Ang
malungkot po na hindi ko malilimutan ay may girlfriend ako na mahal na mahal ko.
Siya ang nakatanan. Napagkamalan niya ang kakambal ko." paliwanag ni Rodel.

"E, bakit mukhang masayang-masaya ka ngayon?" usisa naman ng doktor.

"Kasi po, nakabawi naman ako. Noong isang linggo, namatay ako. Siya ang inilibing."


mga ka-timog..enjoy reading po ha..basta wag lang sobra sa tawa..dapat iutot din..dyoke lang po..hehehehe..peace tayo... :kiss:

[cumgetme]

Isang umaga, nakita ng isang maybahay na maraming ipis na nagtatakbuhan sa mula
sa labas papunta sa basurahan na nasa kusina. Tinawag nya si Lucring, ang kanilang
katulong.
Amo: Lucring, eto bumili ako ng chalk, pamatay ng ipis. Iguhit mo sa dinadaanan ng mga ipis.
Lucring: Opo ate!
Kinabukasan, nagising ang amo at nagulat sa nakita sa sa pader.


IPIS MAMATAY KAYONG LAHAT!!!
HEHEHEHEHE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Yujin]

hahaha:biglaugh: :biglaugh: NICE joke yujin san, talagang natawa ako hehehe:roll: siraulong asawa, hindi kaya lampas hanggang langit ang pagsisisi nya ngayon? hehehe, :nono: dagdag ka pa ha!!!! natutuwa ako sa mga jokes mo.. :toofunny: :toofunny:
pooh_chan, glad na nag eenjoy ka sa mga post. Nakakatuwa lahat ng mga post sa thread na ito nakakawala ng stress sa trabaho, nag eenjoy din sana ang iba pa natin ka TF

bilang dagdag sa husband and wife series ,, pahirit ulit ne :D


A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an
exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this
time, I will grant you each a wish." "Ooh, I want to travel around the
world with my darling husband," said the wife. The fairy moved her magic
stick and abracadabra! ... Two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared
in her hands. Now it was the husbands' turn. He thought for a moment and
said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only
occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a
wife 30 years younger than me." The wife, and the fairy, was deeply
disappointed but a wish is a wish. So the fairy made a circle with her magic
stick and ...abracadabra! The husband became 92 years old.


The moral of this story: Men might be ungrateful idiots, but fairies are...
female!

<bawi naman ngayon baka sabihin ng mga misis parati na lang silang inaapi :D >

[cumgetme]

Lito: Berting, anong ibig sabihin sa S sa damit ni Superman?

Berting: Eh di, Simple.

Lito: Mali.

Berting: Special.

Lito: Mali pa rin.

Berting: Eh ano?

Lito: SMALL, kasi wala na sya mabiling MEDIUM kaya tignan mo ang sikip sa kanya.

[cumgetme]

TEACHER
There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching
her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying,
"You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put
your right feet in...." Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher
you have to say 'foot.'" So the teacher said, "You 'foot' your right
feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."

TEAM
There were three basketball teams: the White team, the Black team, and
the Filipino team. They all didn't know what to call each other. The
white team decided to be the "A" team and the Filipinos were the "B" team.
What was the black team? -the "E" team.

NAKATIPID
Takbong pumasok ng bahay si Mario.
Pagud na pagod, pero masayang-masaya.
Nagmamayabang pa sa ina.
"Nanay! Nanay! Nakatipid ako ng uno singkwenta."
"Nakatipid? Paano?" tanong ng nanay.
"Aba'y 'di ako sumakay ng dyip.
Sumabay lang ako ng takbo.
Kaya't nakatipid ako ng one-fifty!"
"Bobo ka pala, eh. Kung taxi ang sinabayan mo,
'Di mas malaki ang natipid mo!"

Agaw-Buhay
Nakaupo sa tabi ng kanyang asawang agaw-buhay si Juan.
Hawak hawak niya ang kamay nito at nararamdaman ni Juan
na hindi na magtatagal at babawian na ng buhay ang kanyang asawa.
"Juan, bago ako mamatay, mayroon akong gustong ipagtapat
sa iyo."
"Mahal, huwag ka ng magsalita at makakasama pa sa iyo."
"Pero Juan, kailangan talagang malaman mo na........"
"Sssshhhh, kung ano man iyon ay hindi na mahalaga, ang
importante ay nasa tabi mo ako sa huling sandali mo
rito sa mundo."
"Juan, nais kong ipagtapat sa iyo na pinag-taksilan kita
sana ay patawarin mo ako."
"Alam ko iyon, kaya nga kita NILASON."

KAIBAHAN
Ano ang kaibahan ni Prince Charles sa kulangot?
Si Prince Charles ay heir to the throne.
Ang kulangot ay thrown to the air!

LETTER
An alcoholic son's letter to his Dad:
Beer dad,
Gin na 'ko mag-iinom whisky kelan man.
Tanduayan mo yan.
Your son,
Miguel.

DUCK DICTIONARY

maliit na duck - "panduck"
tirahan ng maliit na duck - " Pandacan"
mataas na duck - "boonduck"
nagulat na duck - "nasinduck"
photogenic na duck - "kodak"
malaking duck sa Ilocos- "duck-il"
madaldal na duck - "dakdak"
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck - "duck tape"
manggagamot na duck - "ducktor"
musikero na duck - "conducktor"

[pooh_chan]

pooh_chan, glad na nag eenjoy ka sa mga post. Nakakatuwa lahat ng mga post sa thread na ito nakakawala ng stress sa trabaho, nag eenjoy din sana ang iba pa natin ka TF

bilang dagdag sa husband and wife series ,, pahirit ulit ne:D

<bawi naman ngayon baka sabihin ng mga misis parati na lang silang inaapi :D >




hehehe, ikaw talaga uu, siguro galit ka sa mga misis?:confused: joke lang po....peace po tayo....:D :D

[chubby_kulot]

itataas ko ang bandera :japanese: ng mga misis....

para sa mga AstIg na mIstEr... "WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN"

When you say: "Ako ang tigas sa amin."
You really mean: "Ako ang tigas-saing ng kanin, tigas-sampay ng labada at tigas-sundo sa eskuwela ng mga bata."


When you say: "Gagawin ko kahit ayaw ng misis ko."
You really mean: "Gagawin kong maghugas ng pinggan kung ayaw niya, gagawin kong maglaba kung ayaw niya."

When you say: "Kapag sinabi kong hiwalay, HIWALAY!"
You really mean: "Hiniwalay ko na ang puti sa de-kolor at baka kumupas ang labada."

When you say: "Lahat ng utos ko ay pasigaw."
You really mean: "Hoy bilisan mo naman iyang kape at giniginaw na ako dito sa labahan!"


When you say: "Ako ang laging nasusunod!"
You really mean: "Oo, dear susunod na ako sa iyo sa palengke."

When you say: "Nakukuha ko siya sa isang salita!"
You really mean: "Honey, huwag mo na akong batukan at masakit!"


When you say: "Inaabot siya sa akin ng mura!"
You really mean: "'Ling naman, mura lang naman iyong sapatos na bibilhin ko!"

When you say: "Nakukuha ko siya sa isang tingin!
You really mean: "Hon, patingin naman ng periodiko pagkatapos mong basahin."

When you say: "Kaya ko siyang paluhurin!"
You really mean: "Paluhod niyang sinabing 'Hoy duwag,lumabas ka riyan sa ilalim ng kama kungdi tatamaan ka sa akin!'"

When you say: "Hindi niya ako kayang paglabahin!"
You really mean: "Hindi puede kasi hindi pa ako tapos mamalantsa


sa mga mister po dyan..peace tayo :kiss:

[Yujin]

itataas ko ang bandera :japanese: ng mga misis....
chubby_kulot, ok yun post mo :D makikihirit din ako ne,dagdag ulit sa husband and wife series
hahaha NICE joke yujin san, talagang natawa ako hehehe siraulong asawa, hindi kaya lampas hanggang langit ang pagsisisi nya ngayon? hehehe, dagdag ka pa ha!!!! natutuwa ako sa mga jokes mo..
pooh_chan, di naman nagkakataon lang na about sa mga misis ung joke hehe :D
peace po ulit sa mga misis :)

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

In the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs! and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

[chubby_kulot]

pahirit uli.....

wifey en hubby in lovers quarrel...

Wife: Walanghiya!
Husband: Walanghiya ka rin!
Wife: Tanga!
Husband: Tanga ka rin!
Wife: Gago!
Husband: Gago ka rin!
Wife: Supot!
Husband: Wala namang ganyanan...nyak nyak nyak "supot daw" :shutup: :biglaugh:

"Ang Asawa" 1st year masaya.
After 5 years tanggalin ang A "sawa na".
After 10 years tanggalin ang S "awa na lang".
Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A "wa na!" :cry:

Home version of who wants to be a millionaire:

Husband: dear puede ka ba ngayon?
Wife: di puede pagod ako!
Husband: is that final?
Wife: FINAL!!!!
Husband:ok, can i phone a friend?!? [ang hilig talaga...] :jiggy:

Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kitae h.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh..... [ganon....] :firehead:


itaas ang bandera ng mga wifey.... :japanese:

peace po tayo.... :kiss:

[Yujin]

makihirit ako ulit ne :)

How to make a woman/wife happy

It's not difficult to make a woman/wife happy; a man/husband only
needs to be:
1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father
6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber
11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener
21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic
26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny
31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant
36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined
41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate 45 affectionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
46. give her compliments regularly
47. love shopping
48. be honest
49. be very rich
50. not stress her out
51. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
52. give her lots of attention, but expect little
yourself
53. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
54. give her lots of space, never worrying about where
she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
55. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes





HOW TO MAKE A MAN/HUSBAND HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer
3. Hand over the remote

<marami sa min mababaw lang kaligayahan >
<peace po ulit sa lahat :D >

[Aquamarine]

A BETTER STORY
Kilalang-kilala ni Jenny ang kanyang asawang si Robert,
isang babaerong arkitektong nagtratrabaho sa isang architectural firm sa Makati.
Isang araw na iyon, may hinihintay na tawag si Robert sa isang kliyente.
Si Mr. Jeraf, isang Arabo. Makalipas ang isang oras, nakausap nga ni Robert ang Arabo.
Nagkasundo silang magkita sa construction site. Nang makaalis ang arkitekto,
biglang tumawag si Jenny. Ang nakasagot ay ang kanyang secretary.

Jenny: “ Hello, can I speak with Mr. Del Rosario?”

Secretary: “ Oh, I’m sorry Ma’am but Mr. Del Rosario is right now having an appointment
with Mr. Jeraf at the zoo!” sagot ng secretary. “

Jenny: Next time, tell him to create a better story that would make me believe”

At galit na ibinagsak ni Jenny ang phone...



TOO HIGH
Chief Mate: Mr. Attorney, your fee is too high. You are charging five times.
Lawyer: But I spent so much to be come a lawyer. I took the bar five times.


GAGANTI
Isang araw, may isang mama ang napagtripan ng addict at siya’y walang awang pinatay. Sa langit:
Mama: Eto na siguro ang pinto ng langit.
San Pedro: Halika tuloy ka sa pintuan ng langit.
Mama: Kayo po ba si San Pedro?
San Pedro: Oo, ako nga. Ano ba ang naging kasalanan mo sa lupa at nakarating ka agad dito?
Mama: Pinatay po ako ng addict na iyon.
San Pedro: Sige, bumalik ka sa lupa hanapin mo siya at patayin mo rin at bumalik kayo dito agad-agad ha.




PIRATES
A seaman meets a pirate in a port, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman noticed that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and the eye patch. The seaman ask, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replied, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
Wow!” said the seaman. “What about the hook?”
“Well,” replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.”
Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch?”
“A seagull dropping fell into the eye,” replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailors asked incredulously.
“Not exactly,” said the pirate,” it was my first day with a hook.”



ESQ

PEDRA: John, anong tawag mo sa saging na tinuhog?
JOHN: Eh banana-Q!
PEDRA: Mahusay! Ano naman ang tawag sa kamoteng tinuhog?
JOHN: Kamote-Q!
PEDRA: Magaling! Karneng tinuhog?
JOHN: Eh di barbe-Q!
PEDRA: Magaling! Eh sa alak na tinuhog?
JOHN: Meron ba non?
PEDRA: Oo
JOHN: Ano?
PEDRA: Eh di E.S.Q.


GO AHEAD
One day, the gate between heaven and hell broke down. St. Peter broke out to the devil, “Hey, Satan, it’s you’re turn to fix it.” Sorry, said the devil. “My men are too busy shoveling coal. We can’t worry about a mere gate.”
“All right,” declared St. Peter, I’ll have to sue you for breaking the agreement. “Go ahead! snapped Satan. “Where are you going to get a lawyer?


BEAUTY AND CHARM
There’s a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.


NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

On the eve of the trial, a lawyer drilled his witness on matters the latter would testify.
Lawyer: You must swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
A.B.: Yes Sir, I will swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
Lawyer: Are you aware of what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?
A.B.: Yes Sir, we will win the case.

[Aquamarine]

pantanggal antok


Noon at ngayon

Noon!
cati:mare.! bakit ka na-iimpake?
liaka:mag-aabroad na ko!!
cati: uuy siguro mayaman ka na no?

ngayon!
cati:mare.! bakit ka na-iimpake?
liaka:mag-aabroad na ko!!
cati: uuy siguro wala ka nang pera?


noon
asaika: o honey bakit nila kinukuha ung ating gamit?
Gabi: ang tawag dyan lipat bahay

ngayon
asaika: o honey bakit nila kinukuha ung ating gamit?
Gabi: ang tawag dyan akyat bahay ,dali kalagan mo ko!!

noon
voika: honey honey amoy pabango ka ng babae, nambabae ka no!!
lido: hindi hindi !tinesting ko ung pabangong binili ko sa iyo

ngayon

voika: honey honey amoy pabango ka ng babae, nambabae ka no!!
lido: hindi sister pabango ko yon.

[Aquamarine]

elevator
isang araw may probinsyanong pumunta sa mall...
may nakita siyang pintuan at ang pintuan na yun ay elevator...
hindi nya un alam kaya siya ay kumatok muna at sinabing tao po...
nagulat siya at may taong lumabas at iniwang bukas ang akalang pinto...
kaya agad siyang nag hubad ng tsinelas at nakipasok sa napagkamalang pinto...(ay ka liit ga ng bahay nato)
at pag labas niya ay nawawala ang kanyang tsinelas at sa sobrang galit ay nag labas siya ng itak...

competition!!!!!!!!
may amerikano, hapon at pilipino....
AMERIKANO: paramihan na lang ng ihi!!!
HAPON: sige!
inumpisahan ng hapon.. umihi ang hapon ng isang timba... pumalakpak ang mga tao ng malakas!!
nang sumunod ang amerikano.. umihi ito ng isang dram!!!!!!! mas malakas ang palakpak ng mga tao!!!!
hayan na ang pilipino.. umihi ito walang pumalakpak!!!! (waaaaa... bakit??)
alam nyo ba kung bakit?? kasi nalulunod na ang mga tao sa ihi ng pilipino!!!!!!!!!!!! ! wahahahahahaha!!!!!! !!!


sigarilyo blues......
may isang promdi na ang pangalan ay garet, naisipan niyang sumali sa isang contest sa radyo sabi nya:
GARET: Inay, sasali po ako sa contest sa love radio!!!!
INAY: sige! sana manalo ka!!! sumama ka na sa tito mo papunta don!!!
GARET: Nay, alis na po ako!!
pagkalipas ng anim na oras, nakarating na sila sa love radio at sinimulan na ang contest!!!!
Contestant no. 1:
Contestant no. 2:
tapos na ang dalawang contestant at hayan na si garet !!!!!!
pangit ang speech ni garet kaya natalo siya!!!! di pa nalalaman ng mga magulang niya na natalo siya......
biglang nag-commercial at sinabing... Champion Ci-GARET!!!!! ang commercial ng sigarilyo!!!! nang marinig yon ng magulang ay laking tuwa nito

nagpapa_xerocs
may isang mama nagpapaserox
Mama:paserox nga po
tindero:ilan?
Mama:isa(tapos na ung unang kopya may napansin ang tindero)
Tindero:Mama parehas lang po ito ah..
Mama: eh... dalawa namang copies ang kailangan ko eh

Hi Tech Pinoy
Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Pinoy were
sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German
pressed his forearm and the
beep stopped. The others looked at him
questioningly. "That was my pager,
he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese
fellow lifted his palm to his ear.
When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile
phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Pinoy felt decidedly low tech(medyo kinakabahan....kaba. .kaba...,
but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as
impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the
bathroom. He returned with a piece of
toilet paper hanging from his behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
The Pinoy finally said ------- "Well, will you look
at that, I'm getting a Fax Message

[Aquamarine]

How Do You Know One When You See One?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious in knowing what particular schools attended the big celebration. So he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess who he found out and where he found them?
UP (Diliman) - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP (Los Banos) - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP (Manila) - they were into "masamang bisyo"
Ateneo University - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air condition
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! they were not invited
San Sebastian College - how the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson University- went to Luneta Park instead and was having a good time
Sta. Isabel College- joined in and were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others where with Paulinians
St. Paul College- they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam College- they were beside Ateneans . . . like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry

[Aquamarine]

Mahirap Ang Lahat
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Santa Isabel College, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa Adamson University, mahirap umuwi kahit anong oras.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.

[Aquamarine]

Dahil sa nananatiling "Colonial Mentality" ng ating mga kababayan, marami ang nagpapalit ng kanilang mga pangalan matapos silang sumumpa ng kanilang US citizenship. Sa ibaba nito ay mga halimbawa ng mga datihang Pilipino na tuluyan ng itinakwil and kani - kanilang pangalang Pilipino.
Pangalang Pilipino ... Ipinalit sa American Name
1. Restituto Fruto - Tutti Fruti
2. Casimiro Bocaycay - Cashmere Bouquet
3. Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
4. Veneracion De Asis - Venereal Disease
5. Alfonso De Asis - Alzheimer's Disease
6. Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
7. Francisco Portero - Frank Porter
8. Juanito Lakarin - Johnny Walker
9. Esteban Pagtakhan - Stevie Wonder
10. Leon Mangubat - Tiger Woods
11. Burgos Hari - Burger King
12. Ligaya Almundo - Joy To The World
13. Maria Natividad - Mary Christmas
14. Ligaya Anonuevo - Happy New Year

[Aquamarine]

Spelling
Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig...

[bell]

FUNCKY TOWN

What do ladies want from dirty oldman?


Pleasing pesonality
Good caracterestics
Good family bankground
Good moneyrism
very cashual

[pooh_chan]

ito pa dagdag ulit ako, basa lang po kayo...

KUMPISAL:

KILLER: Father, patawarin sana ako ng diyos, 99 pari po ang napatay ko.
PARI: Bakit mo naman sila pinatay?
KILLER: Kasi naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po ba naniniwala rin?
PARI: Ako? hindi ah! pero minsan trip-trip na lang...:banghead:


KAPATID SA LABAS:
:) Kung nalaman mo na may kapatid ka sa labas, ano ang gagawin mo??
eh di papasokin....nasa labas lang naman eh....:biglaugh: :bonk:


A dentist joke:

Isang araw nagpunta si Maria sa Dentista. Pag upo sa silya biglang tinanggal ang panty sabay bumukaka..... Nagulat ang dentista at sabay sabi kay Maria " uy Maria, dentista ako hindi ako OB-GYNE"
Sagot ni Maria, " Alam ko po yun Doc, pero di ba kayo gumawa ng pustiso nang Mister ko, so please paki tanggal lang po......nyyyeeek, nyyeekkk....:biglaug h: :toofunny: :toofunny:


yan na lang po muna sa ngayun....:wave: :wave:

[Yujin]

Hisashiburi po sa thread na ito.

Eto naman isa makabagbag damdaming sulat ng isang anak para sa kanyang daddy :D

Daddy,,,,
Ipagpaumanhin nyo ni Mommy ang pagsulat ko sa inyo para ipaalam na akoy aalis na sa inyong poder.
Ako'y sasama na sa aking bagong boyfriend na si Mark dahil gusto kong takasan na kayo ni Mommy. Natagpuan ko na kay Mark and tunay na pagmamahal at napakabait nya sa akin, napaka malambing nya hindi tulad ng iba kong naging boyfriend. Alam ko na pag nakilala nyo sya ay magugustuhan nyo din siya, lalo na ang kanyang mga hikaw, tattoo nya sa lahat ng parte ng kanyang katawan at ang pang motorsiklo nyang damit.
Hindi lang sa pagkakaiba nya Dad kaya ko sya mahal na mahal, eto ay dahil sa buntis ako at sabi ni Mark na gusto nyang magkaanak sya sa akin para lalo kaming sumaya sa aming pagsasama. Kahit na matanda sya sa akin (42 na sya Dad, di pa naman matanda sa ngayon and edad nya diba?) kahit na wala syang pera, di naman eto hadlang sa aming relasyon, hindi ba Dad? Syanga pala Dad, maraming CD collection si Mark, meron din syang trailer na truck na kung saan doon kami magsasama, pinaka bahay na namin ang trailer, at marami na rin syang stock na panggatong para magamit namin sa buong buwan ng taglamig. Totoo na meron pa syang ibang girlfriend pero alam ko na magiging tapat sya sa akin sa kanyang sariling pamamaraan, sa katunayan gusto nyang marami kaming anak at eto ang isa sa aking ambisyon. Tinuruan na nga pala nya akong humithit ng marijuana at masarap ang pakiramdam, sa katunayan nagtanim na sya para ipagpalit sa aming mga kaibigan ng shabu, ecstasy na gusto namin.
Dad, sana ipagdasal mo na matuklasan na ang gamot sa AIDS para gumaling na si Mark, kasi deserving naman sya na gumaling!! Huwag kang mag alala Dad 15 years old na ako at alam ko na kung paano pangalagaan ang aking sarili.

Makikita mo Dad, ipagmamalaki mo rin ako at balang araw bibisita kami sa inyo para naman makilala mo ang iyong mga apo.
Nagmamahal mong anak,
Clarence





PS: Dad, hindi totoo mga sinabi ko sa sulat. Nandito lang ako sa kapitbahay, pinapaalala ko lang sa iyo na mas marami pang dapat ikatakot sa buhay kesa aking report card na nasa drawer. Pakipirmahan na lang po at tawagan ako kung safe na akong umuwi dyan sa bahay.
I love you

<:D >

[DaVinci]

ok itong thread...napa-utot ako sa katatawa dito sa skul buti na lang at naisabay kong yung utot ko sa tugtog ng BEEP (pussycat dolls)...ooooppppsss , naka-earphone pala ako kaya pala sila tumingin din sila sa akin....:)


Eto naman ang joke ko,

Uso ang AIDS gang ngayon, ito yung mga taong nangtuturok ng dugo na may AIDS. At sa sinehan habang papasok si Erap eh naramdaman nyang may tumurok sa kanya ngunit kanyang agad nasabi,

Erap: Kala mo maiisahan mo ako! Naka-condom ako!:D

[halloween]

Uy mga TF peeps, wala bang bago sa thread na to? Fan na fan ako dito eh, sobrang nakakaaliw.

Paging Pooh chan, Chubby kulot at Bangis!

Wala na bang part 2 ang makasaysayang camel mo Bangis, grabe sobrang natawa ako don. Pati sa friend kong PInay share ko yon, tawa ng tawa.

[mizo_shiru]

ahihihi, ang saya-saya naman ng thread na ito:p kanina pa ako tawa ng tawa d2 sa pugad~~~ tanggal tuloy ang lungkot ko kanina, hihihi:) thanks chubby_kulot chan & pooh chan at sa lahat ng nag-post, etoh nag-aabang ulet~~~hihihi:hihi:

[chubby_kulot]

hello uli mga ka-timog :wavey:

what do women say:

Teenage girl: Kiss me, but marry me.
Wife: No money, no honey.
Mistress: With house, open blouse.
Secretary: Forget your wife, always remember me!
Kumare: Wala ang pare mo, pwede na tayo.
GRO: No pay, no lay.
Pokpok: Money down, panty down.
Salesgirl: Buy me this dress, I give you happiness.
Madre: Gusto ko sana, may pari bang kakasa?
Biyuda: Matagal nang wala, ikaw ay pinagpala.
Matandang dalaga: Noon pa sana, ngayon, paano na?

Pedro at Juan....[rated PG....]

PEDRO : Pare, mukhang matamlay ka ngayon?
JUAN : Pare, may nakilala kasi akong napakaganda at seksing babae, nahihiya akong ilabas siya dahil tuwing nakikita ko siya, tinitigasan ako lagi!....pero kagabi, naglakas loob akong ilabas siya....at ang ginawa ko para di mahalata at makita niyang tinitigasan ako, tinali ko ang tumbong ko sa kanang paa ko, pare!
PEDRO : O, Anong nangyari sa date niyo, pare?
JUAN : Kumatok ako sa apartment niya, pare, binuksan niya ang pinto at sus ginoo, nakasuot ng pagkaseksi-seksing mini-skirt...ang puti ng hita, pare!
PEDRO : Anong nangyari?
JUAN : eh di, tinigasan ako, pare...tumaas ang kanang paa ko at nasipa ko siya sa mukha! ~~~ :eeek: :eeek: :eeek:


enjoy reading :wave: peace to all :king:

[pooh_chan]

Uy mga TF peeps, wala bang bago sa thread na to? Fan na fan ako dito eh, sobrang nakakaaliw.

Paging Pooh chan, Chubby kulot at Bangis!

Wala na bang part 2 ang makasaysayang camel mo Bangis, grabe sobrang natawa ako don. Pati sa friend kong PInay share ko yon, tawa ng tawa.



hello everybody, miss nyo ba ang jokes namin? sige ha manghahalungkat ulit ako sa mga nakatago kong jokes, :D wait lang kayo dyan mga friendship ha, im sure maya-maya lang dadami na to pwwwaaammmissss....: kiss: , yung partner ko wala pa kasi eh, hanapin ko muna ha:scratch: , itong batang to talaga kung san nag pupupunta.......PAGI NG, SIS CHUBBY, wer you na?:phone: hanap tayo ng mga student natin oh......:type: ano daw ba bago ngayun?:chatter: :chatter: hehehehe, post ka na ha! susunod ako sayo....:type: :grouphug:

[chubby_kulot]

hello sis pooh chan.... :kiss: im here na po :wavey: hehheheheh :hihi:


Ako yon !........
Pasuray-suray na pauwi galing sa inuman ang magkumpareng Juan at Pedro. Dahil halos pare-pareho ang yari ng bahay sa kanilang subdivision ay hinamon ni Juan si Pedro ng pustahan….!
Pedro: “Pre, kung talagang hindi ka lasing…..ituro mo nga ang bahay mo !
Juan : Pare naman,…hindi ako lasing…ikaw ang lasing….hik,….ayan o,…yan ang bahay namin…..! Halika,….silip tayo sa bintana ng kuwarto namin…..
Lumapit sila sa bintana na kuwarto at.......
Juan: O…di ba,?…bahay amin iyan…..ayon si Mare mo o….nakahiga sa kama namin…..
Pedro: OO nga “pre,….si Mare nga iyon…..Aba, teka…..e sino ang katabi niyang lalaking nakahubad at kayakap pa niya….?
Juan: Pare,….Ikaw pala ang lasing e…..e sino pa…e di AKO yon!!!!! :biglaugh:

enjoy reading en peace to all :wave:

[pooh_chan]

andyan na pala ang aking partner, o sige ito naman ang sa akin ha, basa lang po kayo at kung pwede post na rin para mas enjoy okey po:sweeties: ....


MAG-NANAY:
Girl: nanay, may SNAKE sa baba ni itay!!!!!!!!!
MOM: kaya ko nga anak inupuan para mamatay yung ahas

Girl: ay nanay talo ka pala ni yaya eh....
MOM: anong talo???????
Girl: si yaya inupuan nya yan kanina eh....nyeeekkk, nyyeeekkk:roll: :roll:



LOLO & LOLA:
1 nyt lola wears see-thru dress lolo didn't react
2nd nyt, lola wears t-back, lolo still deadma
3rd nyt, lola all naked, lolo said, ano ba yang suot mo gusot-gusot....:eek: hehehehe, kawawang lola.......:eeek: :eeek:



MONGKIKIMO:
May isang thailander na sinabing mag su-suicide kapag di sya pinakasalan ng isang babaeng pinay na nag ngangalang paquita, ang apelyido naman ng thailander ay mongkikimo. ayaw ng mga magulang ni paquita na ang kanyang magiging pangalan ay : Paquita Mongkikimo.......... .....nyeeeek, nyeeekk:biglaugh: :biglaugh:


o maya ulit ha, kayo naman dyan..... enjoy reading po....:coffee:

[chubby_kulot]

hihirit uli si ako ha :hihi:

Mental patient singing while lying in hospital bed. After a song, he turned face down 2 sing again.
NURSE: bakit ka bumaliktad?
PATIENT: Side B na kasi! :biglaugh:

sino mas masarap....?
MAID: sir, sino ang mas masarap ako o si ma'am?
SIR: sympre ikaw.
MAID: naguguluhan ako, kasi sabi ng driver natin, mas masarap daw si ma'am kay sa sakin.. :eeek: :eeek: :eeek:

ikaw pala ha....
Ginising ng lasing na lalake ang asawa sa kalagitnaan ng gabi.
Lalake: Darlhing, darlhing, may multo sa banyo nathinn.
Babae: ( Nabigla at natakot) paano mo nasabi yan?
Lalake: Dahil pag binubuksan ko ang pinto para umihi bumubukas ang ilaw...
Babae: ( Sabay batok sa asawang lasing) Hayop ka! ikaw pala ang umiihi sa refrigerator natin. Ngeeeek! :biglaugh: :biglaugh:

enjoy reading :wavey: peace to all :kiss:

[mizo_shiru]

:biglaugh: Hi pooh chan and chubby kulot chan:) tuwang-tuwa ako sa jokes nyo:lol:

pasali rin:

Usapang Boobs:
Ano ang tawag sa boobs na maliit? ABOT-KAMAY, ano naman ang tawag sa boobs na malaki?
KAPOS-PALAD, eh sa flat-chested? SAWING-PALAD!!!!~~~~ naaykupo...:lol:

*********
5 types of women: VIP-VIrgin pa Po, NPA-NaPerstaym na po, MILF-MakaIlang Ulit Lang Fo,
WWF- Warat na Warat na Fo, ESPN- Eh di sa Pwet na lang po.~~ peace po tau:D

**********
Mayabang na Balikbayan:

Bagong dating ang balikbayan at sumakay ng taxi papuntang balintawak via EDSA. Habang daan napapansin nya na nagtataasan ang mga building sa Pinas.....

BALIKBAYAN: Hey, mamang Driver ilan taon bang ginawa ang LRT na iyan?
TAXI DRIVER: Mga apat na taon po sir

BALIKBAYAN: Alam mo sa AMerica, dalawang taon lang 'yan gagawin

BALIKBAYAN: Eh, itong NIKKO GARDEN

TAXI DRIVER: Siguro sir, nga dalawang taon ginawa 'yan

BALIKBAYAN: Naku sa America isang taon lang yan.....

BALIKBAYAN: Eh itong MRT

TAXI DRIVER (Medyo napupundi na) : Ah, sir mga isang taon lang yan ginawa.....

BALIKBAYAN: Naku sa America anim na buwan lang yan....

BALIKBAYAN (Nagulat sa laki ng MEGAMALL): Mamang driver ang laki naman ng mall na ito, Mga ilan taon ba yan ginawa?

TAXI DRIVER: NAKU PO!!! KANINANG PAG DAAN KO RITO WALA PA YAN AH!!!!

~~~~~~ Bwahahaha......:boun cy: :nuts:

[brownman]

pinoys love to murder the english language. i'm not saying that mine is perfect. katuwaan lang po. me mga nakapanood na din siguro nito pero kasi ito yong baito ko ngayon sa factory.

http://images3.deviantart.c om/i/2004/12/2/1/ROFLMAO_emote.gif

http://pinoystyle.net/flash/sbcpackers.html (http://pinoystyle.net/flash/sbcpackers.html)

eto naman para sa mga OFW's.

http://www.fractalcow.com/rex/

eto naman po, spoof ni David Blaine. di ko inabutan no'ng nasa pinas pa ako pero ok dn.
http://images3.deviantart.c om/i/2004/12/2/1/ROFLMAO_emote.gif

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdGPLhVeLzw&search=dan%20bautist a (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdGPLhVeLzw&search=dan%20bautist a)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxuuouTqTjo&search=dan%20bautist a (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxuuouTqTjo&search=dan%20bautist a)

[Yujin]

pinoys love to murder the english language. i'm not saying that mine is perfect. katuwaan lang po. me mga nakapanood na din siguro nito pero kasi ito yong baito ko ngayon sa factory.


brownman
:lol: :lol:
nagustuhan ko ung sbcpackers at david blaine spoof. keep em comin
ok pa rin ang sense of humor ng mga Pinoy hindi patatalo,
tanong ko lang, ito bang dan michael ay show sa atin sa Pilipinas ?

(pooh_chan gomen nasai kung OT na ito)

[brownman]

brownman
:lol: :lol:
nagustuhan ko ung sbcpackers at david blaine spoof. keep em comin
ok pa rin ang sense of humor ng mga Pinoy hindi patatalo,
tanong ko lang, ito bang dan michael ay show sa atin sa Pilipinas ?

(pooh_chan gomen nasai kung OT na ito)

glad you liked it. yan nga baito ko ngayon eh. i'll pack anything, i'll pack it infront of you. hehehe.

si dan michael naman, di ako sure pero parang isang segment siya ng mtv pilipinas.

[Yujin]

Bilang pandagdag sa nagbabagang serye ng husband and wife ,
dagdag pa ulit ako ng isa peace ulit sa mga misis :D

attention ms. chubby_kulot, nagdagdag na ulit ako :)

Drive Safely
The National Highway
Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct installation is illustrated below.......

[chubby_kulot]

@Yujin.... okie ha...siguro sa akin gawin yan..naku...magpalit na kami ng pangalan ni hubby ko...hahahahah :biglaugh: sige lang...keep posting..hanap din ako ng sa akin...itataas ko ang bandera :japanese: ng mga kababaihan....hahaha h :biglaugh: :biglaugh:


strictly for adults only.... :type:

Petra : Doc, matagal na kaming hinde nagtatalik ng mister ko dahil nawawalan na siya ng gana!
Doc : Sinubukan mo na bang bigyan siya ng Viagra?
Petra : Doc, kahit na anong tableta ang ibigay mo sa kanya, hinde niya gagalawin......
Doc : Well, suggest ko na tadtarin mo ang Viagra at ilagay mo sa kanyang kape next time na kayo'y mag-agahan......
*Lumipas ang ilang araw*......
Doc : Kumusta ang resulta?......
Petra : Terible, doc, terible!......
Doc : Bakit anong nangyari?......
Petra : Ginawa ko po ang sinabi niyo at bigla na lang siyang naghubad at hinila ako sa mesa. Yun ang pinakamasaklap pong sex na nakamit ko sa kanya......
Doc : Bakit ano ang problema?.......
Petra : kasi noong hinila nya ako sa mesa, nag-aagahan kami sa Jolibee!~~~ :biglaugh:


BUS HINOLD-UP
HOLDAPER:Rereypin ko lahat ng babae dito!
PROSTI:ako na lang po, maawa kayo sa kanila!
MADRE:Lahat nga daw eh!gaga! pakialamera!........ ............ :eeek: :eeek:

peace to all.... :wavey:

[pooh_chan]

Hello po mga friendship, buhayin ulit natin ito ha, add lang po kayo ng add. ito po ang sa akin, enjoy reading....:coffee:


Mag-ina sa Bahay, isang araw habang namamalantsa......:g ossip:

ANAK: Nay, buntis po ata ako nahihilo po ako,
NANAY: Hmmmmmmm, di ka buntis.....

maya-maya eto ulit,

ANAK: Nay, buntis ata ako....nahihilo at sinisikmura po ako!
NANAY: He! Tumigil ka di ka buntis!!!!!

Ilang saglit eto ulit......

ANAK: Nay, buntis nga po ako at nahihilo, sinisikmura at nasusuka ....
NANAY: Lintek, sinabi ng hindi ka buntis!!! kapag hindi ka tumigil dyan sisipain ko yang bayag mo:eek: ....nyeek, nyeek, nyeek....:biglaugh: :biglaugh:



ANAK: Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng supper at dinner?:food:
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas dinner yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng MOMMY mo, Suffer yon!!! :bonk:



What's the difference between corruption in the USA & corruption in the Philippines? In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US! :banghead:



Bakit laging intsik ang kinikidnap?

Kasi pag pinoy- Hulugan!
Pag Bumbay- 5-6!
Pag Kano- credit card!
E pag Intsik- C.O.D!!!!!!!:yippee: :yippee:



MA'AM: Inday, sa susunod ayokong pinapakialaman mo ang condom namin ng Sir mo!!!
INDAY: M'am, huwag kayong magbibintang! Di kami sanay ni Sir gumamit nyan! Sobra kayo....:eek: :bonk: :bonk:


Anong saging ang mataba? SABA
Anong saging ang maliit? SENORITA
Yung sinusubo pati balat? T.....sirit na?
Esep-esep.........:rolley es:
Ano pa eh di TURON!!!!!!! Huwag esep sama!!!:toofunny: :toofunny:



kayo naman please.....enjoy posting & reading...:type: :toast:

[jazzybabe]

Hi pooh chan!wala akong ma e share eh,natutuwa lang akong magbasa sa mga jokes nyo.;) ;)

[pinkpooh29]

There's
a
Japanese
girL...
Who is very
pretty,
nice,hot,
and sexy...
But nobody
wants
to court
her soon as
they know
her name...


:roll: :hihi: FUKIKO MAKUTO..:biglaugh:

[michiko]

An accountant gets home late one night and his wife asks, "Where in the hell have you been?"


He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo"
.
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my privates", he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow; Two, once in awhile, I like to play with my money; Three, I like how money feels in my hand; and Lastly - instead of you going out shopping on the weekend, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!" :D

[Owit]

hahahahahahaha, nakakatawa talaga mga jokes nyo. Pooh_Chan, anymore?

[pooh_chan]

Hi everybody, good morning po, ito pa ulit ha! enjoy lang po...:sweeties:


KAY HIRAP:

Mahirap talagang lumimot ang taong ayaw mong kalimutan,
Mahirap saktan ang taong ayaw mong masaktan,
Mahirap maniwala sa ayaw mong paniwalaan.
Pero ang pinakamahirap sa lahat, subukan mong TINIDURIN ANG SABAW!!!!:food: Ang hirap nun.....:roll: :roll:


SCANDALOUS PARENTS: :yikes: ( GREEN JOKE PO )
Isang gabi sa bukid,

TATAY: Love, matulog na tayo antok na ako.....
NANAY: Love, sige pero pano si Butyok?
TATAY: Pabayaan mo na, wala naman yang kaalam-alam eh....
NANAY: okie....:)

Sa iisang kama lang sila nakahiga kasama si Butyok....

TATAY: Love, eto na papasok ko na.
tttssshhhhhhhhhh.... .....ashik....:sssh:
BUTYOK: Tatay, Nanay, kumakain ba kayo ng tinapay? ( Habang nakapikit ang mga mata )
NANAY: Butyok, wala....matulog ka na!....Love, dahan-dahan lng.....
TATAY: Okie... pero di na ito magtatagal pa eh.....
NANAY: O sige.....basta sure mo sa labas ha!.........
TATAY: Okie.....eto na.......ppploooookk kkk........
............Biglang umimik si butyok.........:scra tch:

BUTYOK: Tay, nag softdrinks ba kayo? parang coke ah! ( habang nakapikit )
TATAY: Wala anak, matulog ka na........aahhhhhh.. ......

Pero may tumilapon...at biglang dumapo sa noo ni Butyok......:eek:

BUTYOK: Tay, ano to? Habang tinitigan ang dumapo.....
BUTYOK: Ah alam ko na....kumain kayo ng STAR APPLE noh!!!:insane: :insane: :toofunny:



Pinoy ka kung mahilig kang kumanta sa karaoke kahit sintunado ang boses mo....:band: at ang mga barkada mo ay kunwaring sumusuporta sa iyo, pero ang katotohanan ay napapaihi na sila sa kahihiyan....:ohlord : :ohlord: :toast:


hehehe, maya ulit ha.....enjoy po....:wave: :wave:

[Yujin]

again, para sa husband and wife serye :D .. pangdagdag.

ms.chubby_kulot nakadalawa na ko..

The Nagging Wife

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and said he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

peace tayo :D

[pooh_chan]

Hi yujin san, may dagdag din ako ha bout husband & wife, wala kasi si sister chubby_kulot eh, enjoy reading po.....:coffee:


" PULANG TINTA " ( green joke po )

Ang dalawang mag-asawa ay gumawa ng signal para di malaman ng kanilang batang anak kung sila ay magsesex......:grinn y:

Para sila ay makapag sex na di malaman ng kanilang anak, ang signal nila sa sex ay, " MAGTA-TYPE " sila........:type:

So, isang araw, ang asawa habang nanunuod ng tv nagmadaling tawagin ang kanyang anak, at inutusan na itanong sa kanyang MOMMY na kung pwedeng " MAG-TYPE".
Nagmadali ang anak at tinanong ang MOMMY.........
Ang sagot ng MOMMY hindi pwede at sira ang makinilya dahil pula ang "TINTA"......
Nang malaman ito ni mister, siya'y nadismaya........:no no:

Sa paglipas ng tatlong araw, nagpatanong uli ang ama kung pwedeng " mag-type" muli..
at ang sagot ng asawa ay hindi pwede at ang, " TINTA AY PULA " pa rin........
Sa pang limang araw, siya'y nagpatanong muli sa kanyang anak at itanong sa kanyang MOMMY kung pwede " MAG-TYPE"......At uli siya'y nadismaya........:sc ratch:

Kinabukasan, ang ina ay tinawag ang bata at pinasabi sa ama na ang makenilya ay ayos na......Nang bumalik ang anak, ang sabi ay, " sabi ni daddy, di na kailangan mag type dahil, HINANDWRITE na lang nya"!!!!!!!!!..........: yikes: :biglaugh:


kawawang asawa, hehehehe...........e njoy reading po......

[pooh_chan]

ito pa po dagdag ko...........:)

KABIT:

kriiiinggggggggggg.. .........krriiiinnnn nngggg.....( phone ring ):phone:
AMO: Inday sagutin mo ang telepono baka kabit yan ng Sir mo!!!!
INDAY: Si Ma'am talaga o.....pinapaselos ako......:bonk:


Ang Pag-ibig:

Ang pag-ibig ay parang utot. Kahit anong gawin mo ay napakahirap itago,
at pag ibinuga mo ang kimkim na damdamin, maaamoy ng lahat hindi ka man umamin......:fire: .........:biglaugh:



IROG:

O aking irog! Sa ganda mo ako'y samba!
Sa utot mo ako'y tumba! Mata mong kaakit-akit,
Muta'y kabit-kabit, ilong na marikit, kulangot ay dikit-dikit!:toofunny: :toofunny:


O kayo naman po....share your kulangot, este thought po pala.......yoroshiku onengaishimasu...... .:kiss:

[ugnayan]

Mom Funny

Throughout the centuries, mothers have been giving their children plenty of good advice and notable quotes. Here's just a small sampling:

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"

BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."

BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"

GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."

SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

Source: http://www.mikeysFunnies.co m

[halloween]

That's Strange

A lawyer named Strange died and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However, he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark "That's strange."

[adechan]

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine who of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?"

Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there.

A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.

"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular clich・for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's ob yus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

"Oh, I can expleyn sir,." said Eleuterio. " You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had alreydi shit in my pants!"

He was hired.

[chubby_kulot]

wow...buhayin uli natin ang thread na ito..
para makapagbawas ng mga stress sa buhay :hihi:

Mom: baby, your good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!! [ang bait ha...] :roll:


BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema mo lang problema natin dahil nagmamahalan tayo. ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama :biglaugh:


enjoy reading po :wavey:

[chubby_kulot]

eto pa po ..... oi my classmate pooh chan ...calling calling :phone: :biglaugh:

Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!


In a pet shop...

Customer talking to a parrot...

Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!
Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? G_G_!!! :biglaugh:

Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable?
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!


enjoy reading :wavey:

[proud me]

Sasuga!!!chubby kulot~~~nabuhay ulet...more...funs mo ko~~~sa ganyang character mo :sweeties: :jiggy: :jiggy:

[pooh_chan]

Hi klasmeyt eto na po ako, sori ha ngayon ko lang narinig ang koling mo!!!!!!:lol: :lol:
Ito po ang bago ko ngayon, enjoy reading po ha:coffee:
( GREEN JOKES po )


Miss: D